Game Recap! Green Bay Packers (3-0) vs. Minnesota Vikings (1-2)

By MF

Ron Pitts and JC Pearson in the booth and Ed "Big Guns" Hochuli reffing. I like Hochuli, seems to be in control at all times. Sadly not all refs can meet that modest requirement. Ron Pitts and JC Pearson - the definition of average broadcasters. Barely remembered DBs in the League make for barely memorable announcers. Just a fact of life. Bees are the assholes of the insect community. That's another fact of life.

Injury Report - BranJ (pronounced "brange", credit to Butch) is out. Vern Morency is in. For the Viqueens they're missing Tarvaris Jackson and Robert Ferguson. Oh, Fergie's not hurt, he's just missing.

I'm watching the game at Papa MF's today thanks to poor scheduling, bad weather and my personal desire to watch the old Viking fan doze off out of boredom at some point in the game. If you had 3rd quarter in your office pool you win the prize. He's a typical Viking fan. He can barely stand the team, but he watches every week until they convince him that he should not do so. It's entertaining.

As always, when the opponent has the ball the comments are italicized. When Fightin' Mike's Domination Machine has the ball it will be in the beautiful and unencumbered font and style you're now reading.

1st Quarter
11:41 - The Vikings start with the ball and I'm happy. These road games I always prefer the defense to start. I know it's unconventional, but my missing teeth are unconventional and the ladies don't seem to mind, take that conventional! Kelly Holcomb (retread TM) overthrows Sidney Rice by 5 yards after the WR had beaten Jarrett Bush. Punt to come. This is a concern though. The Vikes have a roster full of 4th string wideouts, so it makes sense they're picking on Bush.

11:20 - See, now this is how I didn't want the game to start. Favre gets picked off by Sharper after a mad scramble. Fortunately the Vikings take a lot of penalties and they bail us out with an illegal contact 5 yarder.

11:08 - Welcome back Vern! 2 yard run, it's our standard running output. The Packers are forced to punt. Crowd is sounding 50-50 right now. Boos and cheers on every play. Man, Vikings fans suck. This is the only sellout on their season so far and it's because of the Packer fans.

7:15 - Chuck Woodson returns an interception 52 yards for a score. Wait? What? You mean he's not allowed to pistol whip the receiver and then jump the route? OK. Illegal contact, no TD.

6:58 - The Vikings seem to move the ball in spots (I watch them during commercials on Packer games because I enjoy seeing them lose) but can't every close the deal. Jeff Dugan makes a catch, gets a 1st down and then fumbles. Johnny Jolly returns the ball 20 yards to the MN 45 or so. That is one big freaking dude. I feel like that sentence should come after we say Jolly's name every time.

5:20 - The Packers are on the MN 16 after a beautiful catch in double coverage by Don Lee. Favre hits Greg Jennings on a slant for the TD. He's got the record! You're all invited to the party in my pants after the game! As Favre carries Jennings around and then runs to his wife in the stands for a tearful little get together Dan Marino is shown on the jumbotron congratulating him. All I heard was "Hey Brett, it's Dan Marino..." I like that he introduced himself. I wish he had said "of the Miami Dolphins" as well just to make it clear but still, that was fun. Most of the crowd cheers the TD but then the crowd is made up of mostly Packer fans so that's to be expected. There were some boos. Did I mention Viking's fans suck?

GREEN BAY 7 - MINNESOTA 0

2nd Quarter
14:59 - 3rd and 9 coming for the Vikings on the GB 41. This team fucking owns the area between the 40s. They treat the red zone much like a kitten treats a pack of wolves. Which is to say not well. Kelly Holcomb (retread TM) goes deep to Troy "I'm going to Vision Camp" Williamson who promptly drops the ball around the 10. JC Pearson says "Al Harris didn't panic in that situation." Why would he? On a related note, Al Harris doesn't panic when a mugger drops the gun, when a prisoner drops the soap or when a politician drops his campaign promises. You know why? HE EXPECTED IT TO HAPPEN!

10:04 - On 3rd and 2 Cullen Jenkins bats the pass down. They were on the GB 40. I told you, this team lives in between the 40s. Punt coming. The Vikings are winning the time of possession, yards and penalties so far. Oh wait, I think having the most penalties is not ideal, someone might want to tell Brad Childress this sort of stuff. Oh, and points. Points are good too.

7:37 - The Packers march down the field on a pretty little fly to Ruvell Martin for 35 and Don Lee for 20 or so. Unfortunately Don decided to go with the controversial choice of flipping the ball in the air (possibly caused by Dwight Smith of the Vikings) rather than just go down. Vikings ball on the 5 yard line. Dangit.

7:12 - Nick Collins saves a TD by pulling Adrian Peterson down from behind. Still a 50 yard run for the rookie. He looks amazing. That may have something to do with the fact that he's basically playing with a bunch of cross eyed thumbtwiddlers though. No one else on that side of the ball has any talent that jumps out.

5:35 - Holcomb (retread TM) hits a lineman in the leg on 3rd and 4. He looks beyond awful. No confidence, seems angry at his teammates and has no discernible NFL qualities. Longwell from 44.

GREEN BAY 7 - MINNESOTA 3

4:24 - Wow. Just...fucking...wow. Fox just did a montage of Favre TD tosses to "You're the best around" from the Karate Kid movie. That just about killed me. Of all the possible choices in the past 30 years I guess that one isn't the worst, but it is the funniest.

3:05 - The D gives up a big play to Bobby Wade (40 yards, down to the 20) and eventually gives up another Figgie to Longwell, this time from 35. The Vikings offense is too boring to write about. I feel like the more I say about them the less interest this site will generate. They're like a black hole...of suck.

GREEN BAY 7 - MINNESOTA 6

:12 - Running the 2 minute drill is always fun. Jennings for 19, Driver for 7. Timeout on the 50. Jones for 3 and a 1st down. Bubba with a drop (really tough catch though) followed by a 10 yard pickup, steps out of bounds too. Vern for 15 on a screen. Down to the 18. Driver for 13 on third down. 1st and goal on the 5. Vikings rookie Brian Robison with the sack. Crosby from 28.

GREEN BAY 10 - MINNESOTA 6

3rd Quarter
9:35 - Offense gets stalled on the 50. Punt coming. No. Wait. Jesus tapdancing Rodriguez! Jon Ryan, the punter, runs the fake and manages to deke out 9 Vikings and pick up the 1st down. I have never seen a punter do that. The Minnesota equipment manager has to go out on the field with a squeegee and pick up all the jocks. That was 100% awesome!

6:14 - The drive eventually stalls on the 16 with a batted down pass on 3rd and 8. Crosby from 44.

GREEN BAY 13 - MINNESOTA 6

3:38 - Al Harris leaves the game somehow holding his back, arm and possibly his leg. He dragged down Chester "the Molester" Taylor after a big gain and is shaken up. 3rd and 8 for the Vikings coming on the GB 24. KGB sacks Holcomb (retread TM) and forces a fumble. MN recovers. While Al gets x-rays on his...um, everything, Longwell hits from 48.

GREEN BAY 13 - MINNESOTA 9

4th Quarter
13:25 - The drive started on the MN 35. After a great punt by Ryan pinned the purple *'s on their own 7. Then Chuck Woodson returned the Viking punt 15 yards. Unfortunately the Packers can't pick up a 1st on 3rd and 1 from the 15. Crosby again, this time from 33.

GREEN BAY 16 - MINNESOTA 9

11:46 - The Viking drive stalls on the GB 45. All the more impressive since it started on the GB 48 thanks to a nice kick return by Adrian Peterson. So, he's the leading rusher, leading receiver, leading kick returner, what else does he do? Do they make him clean up the stands too after the game? Viking fans boo while Packer fans cheer "Go, Pack, Go". This is Lambeau West.

8:20 - Great sequence for Brad Childress. He challenged that an incompletion was a fumble when, thanks to the whistle, it couldn't be challenged. So then he did challenge the spot on a James Jones 1st down even when he was nearly a yard beyond the marker. I wonder why MN fans want him fired?

5:52 - Favre hits James Jones in stride on a fly pattern on the right side for 6! It was 3rd and 9 on the MN 34. The Packers had been running so many crosses, curls and slants that the fly was perfect. Great playcall, great execution.

GREEN BAY 23 - MINNESOTA 9

1:55 - Sidney Rice makes a pretty, twirling Touchdown catch over Jarrett Bush. The drive by the Vikings was tremendous. It seemed they alternated 15 yard passes with a sack the whole way down the field.

GREEN BAY 23 - MINNESOTA 16

1:45 - Donald Driver recovers the onsides kick. This should be over. But it's not. Earlier in the game Vern Morency had fumbled out of bounds. It didn't hurt the team, but he's not in the game right now and that's probably why. Ryan Grant and Favre have a hard time with the exchange and the Vikings recover on the GB 45 or so. Not cool.

1:15 - Al Harris is banged up and off the field again. I'd be worried but I just remembered that the TD the Vikings scored was against a soft zone. It was also their first for the offense in 20 possessions. Seriously. I don't see them making another play.

1:06 - Kelly Holcomb (retread TM) gets picked off by Atari Bigby on a deflection. Game over.

Final Score
GREEN BAY 23 - MINNESOTA 16

* You can go with whatever childish name you want that comes immediately after "purple". I leave it to you. Me? I'm on the high road.

Golden Mullet Awards-Pack Vs. Chargers

By Packman

Quarterbacks:






Favre was simply amazing. Three touchdowns, no interceptions, and tied Mario for the all-time touchdown record. Is it too early to say MVP?

Running Backs:






Big suck. This backfield couldn't be worse if we had Darrel Tompson back there!

Receivers:






Driver once again had a big day, and Jennings came through huge in the end.

Defense:






They were great against the run, but not as amazing versus the pass. They also didn't force a ton of turnovers which makes me sad.

Special Teams:






Solid. Once field goal, didn't make any mistakes. They are the most consistent so far this year. Yeah, quote me on that.

Coach:






So he made a few questionable calls, but come on here, he has now led the Pack to a 3-0 record and just beat the Chargers. What more do you want from me?

LT:






This guys wheels are just about done. Now trade him to the Packers for a low draft pick.

Chargers Fans:






I live in Southern California, and I still haven't met a Chargers fan.

What a game for the Pack. We're 3-0 and rolling. We've met every challenge this season, and have many more along the way. It's pretty amazing how far we've come....but we still have a long way to go. Strap you chin straps on Pack, it's gonna be 19 games this year!

Recap! Green Bay Packers (2-0) vs. San Diego SuperChargers (1-1)

By MF

Our announcers today are Jim Nantz and Phil Simms. We're on CBS. Always an entertaining change of pace from Fox. If listening to a broadcast is like talking to extended family (and it totally is) then Fox is the drunk cousin 10 years your senior that has lots of jokes aimed at 12 year olds, is going through a divorce and takes the self-deprecation a little too far. The CBS guys are like the boring uncles who talk about mutual funds, upgrades on their Buick Lucerne and college football games when they made the big play...in '72. The experience can't be called entertaining, but given the other options it's workable.

Greg Jennings is playing today. Juice Coston is in again. Vern Morency is still out. The Chargers have a rookie Right Tackle playing but I didn't catch his name. Hopefully I'll hear it a lot in the context of "Kampman blows by..." or "Kampman humps the holy hell out of..."

As always, when the opponent has the ball the comments are italicized. When the Packers have the ball they're awesomecized. You can use that.

1st Quarter

14:42 - Favre hits James Jones for 20. Pass protection was unbelievable. We saw that a bit against the Giants last week, hopefully that remains the norm. Also, the Chargers have a D lineman named Igor. I cannot believe my folks went with "Matt" when Igor was clearly on the table as an option.

12:52 - The drive stalls when Driver gets tackled before the ball gets to him and no flag is called. On a totally unrelated note our Ref today is Jeff Triplette. Mr. Triplette is there to remind us that in all jobs there are always the guys who suck. He's sort of the hero for the temp in your office who makes the coffee without the filter, hangs up on the client and thinks Tuesday is another casual day.

8:10 - Antonio Gates has left the game after picking up a first down. He's doing a handshake routine with a trainer and grimacing. Is he meeting his wife's ex or testing the strength in the hand? We'll never know.

7:10 - Vince Jackson pulls down a 25 yard TD on a simple fly pattern. He not only wore Al Harris, he wore him to the prom. That's tight coverage.

GREEN BAY 0 - SAN DIEGO 7

6:56 - From the 20, Ryan Grant has his third carry of the game. Brandon Jackson hurt? By the way, I totally want to call him "BJack" because I'm lazy and unoriginal. But I just can't bring myself to do it. So I'm going with the lazy and yet modestly original choice of "BranJ". Yes, it sounds like the next Rhiannon-esque R&B star. Sorry BranJ, it just has to be.

5:32 - On a 20 yard pass Driver drops the pass and gets trainwrecked by Marlon McCree. Helmet flying. Flags flying. That's the definition of "spearing" kids. Don't do it.

5:16 - Jones makes back to back catches of 8 and 26 yards. Kid seems like a 5 year vet out there. Breaks tackles like Driver and Sharpe, catches everything. MF likey.

3:01 - Bubba with full extension on a dive can't come up with the TD catch. Tough play and I can't fault him for it. Still, the offense answered, that's big to me. Also big to me...boneless buffalo wings. Crosby drills from 28.

GREEN BAY 3 - SAN DIEGO 7

Nothing much happens. The D stuffs San Diego on their own 10. Chuck returns the punt to the 50. I really like the end zone design with the old school stripes and the 50 year anniversary logo in the corner. Yep, I knew you were waiting on my official opinion on that one.

2nd Quarter

14:47 - 3rd and 3. Driver for 20. He now has the most catches ever in Lambeau. That's pretty dang awesome. I can't believe I didn't hear about that before today. Where's the PR guy?

12:38 - The Packers working well with the short field. Lee for 8. Wynn for 10 and it's a first down on the 5. In what can only be described as "gorgeous" Driver makes a diving catch for a TD in the left corner of the end zone. Full extension, he was the only one who could catch it. Gorgeous.

GREEN BAY 10 - SAN DIEGO 7

11:00 - Gates back to back for 9 yards. LT picks up the 1st. Phil Rivers is 7 for 7 right now. The run game is absolutely stuffed but this bears watching. That kinda snuck up on me.

9:45 - Nick Barnett stuff LT for a loss and then does the swordsman thing while glaring. The thing is, who is he glaring at? Is he picturing the entire city of San Diego? One guy on the sideline?

7:17 - The defense comes up with a stop just outside the Packer 40. KGB had a sack to force 3rd and 23 and the Chargers just couldn't make up for it.

6:38 - Welcome to the NFL season Greg Jennings. He has his 1st catch of the year for 6 yards. Nice to have you back.

4:36 - On 3rd and 10 Driver goes for 46 on a quick slant. I don't know much about the Charger secondary but the safeties seem to miss tackles. There's been a few broken tackles or bad angles so far. That was one of them.

3:58 - Jennings for 10. We've run the ball all of 4 times I think. 22 passes. I'm okay with this. We're on the San Diego 5 by the way.

2:48 - Bubba runs a little stop and go, makes the catch over the umpire's diving head for a Touchdown. 2 weeks in a row for the big man. I like it. The offense, while incredibly uneven in balance, looks really good.

GREEN BAY 17 - SAN DIEGO 7

2:08 - Antonio Gates picks up 15 and steps out of bounds to stop the clock. Johnny Jolly, who is not in the game at the moment, tries to knock the ball out while standing on the sidelines. Jolly's kinda petty. I like it. By the by Phil Rivers is 14 for 14 so far. This definitely bears watching.

:55 - Gates wide open again for 8. I don't know how he does it. That's a big man to lose track of. On a totally awesome side note Jim Nantz said "Instant..........aneous". Taking 12 seconds to say a word meant to convey incredible speed is fun for the whole family.

:42 - Well, we finally got an incompletion. That was nice. But then Rivers followed it up with a TD toss to Buster Davis. I prefer Buster Brown* myself. He always gave me balloons.

GREEN BAY 17 - SAN DIEGO 14

3rd Quarter

9:02 - The Chargers just marched down the field. Nice mix of passes to Gates and runs by LT. Tomlinson scores a TD from the 21 on a screen pass. Nice design on that play. I had no idea what was going on. And if I can be fooled, well, the nation has no chance! Think of the possibilities!

GREEN BAY 17 - SAN DIEGO 21

The teams trade stalled drives to run out the quarter. The only real highlight of the last 9 minutes was Jeff Triplette muttering and making constant mistakes and stuttering during an illegal formation penalty call. As an added bonus he did the "false start" hand motion while explaining it. I wouldn't let this guy handle the window at a Wendy's.

4th Quarter

12:51 - The D comes up big again with a sack and a fumble. KGB caused the fumble. Regrettably we could not recover but a punt is coming. Chuck Woodson returns it to the 31.

11:29 - Driver's been destroying Marlon McCree and the Charger secondary since that cheap shot to his chin early in the game. He just juked Marlon out of his jock once, waited for him to put it back on and then juked him again. 24 yards.

8:30 - On 3rd and 12 (after an offensive Pass Interference on Don Lee) Favre goes right back to his TE for 18 and a 1st down. How do you spell redemption? D-O-N -L-E-E. And yes that's the first "Anchorman" quote I've worked into this. Now that I've realized it I'm guessing it won't be the last.

7:09 - Hideous sequence. 1st and goal from the 1 foot line. 5 yard false start penalty on Juice Coston. Timeout wasted. Favre overthrows Brandon Jackson on a screen. Favre gets sacked. Favre hits James Jones on the 1 ft line. 4th and goal. Empty backfield? WTF? Lame pass attempt to Bubba swatted down. Turnover on downs. If we lose, that's the reason why. With Favre 1 pass short of the TD record I wonder if that affected the playcall. I hope not. But I can't say for sure and that troubles me. We've gotten this far in this game because of #4, but it's 1 foot. Hand it off.

2:27 - The Chargers dug out of the hole on the 1 foot line and got out to the 30 thanks to Gates. Man, he's good. I'd prefer to not see Jarrett Bush on him but still, he does this to everyone. 3rd and 3 for the Chargers. Rivers overthrows his man. Punt. Chuck returns to the 44 of Green Bay.

2:03 - Incomplete to Bubba. His man fell down in coverage but he couldn't adjust. That's the difference between Gates and our guy in case you were wondering. Favre follows it up with a quick slant to Greg Jennings. He splits the defenders and races 57 yards for the score! Where the hell did that come from? Oh right, from earlier when it was noted the Chargers secondary takes bad angles. Awesome. Welcome back Greg. We missed ya. Favre has tied the TD record with Marino. 420! Stoners everywhere have an excuse to light up! Jocks and stoners together at last!

1:12 - On third and 10 from the SD 30 Rivers gets intercepted by Nick Barnett. The LB rumbles on down to the 3 yard line before getting shoved out of bounds. And my wife thought she was going to get a little nap in. She claims it's hard to sleep when I'm running around the house high fiving my 12 pound dog.

1:07 - The Packers learn from their mistakes. Jackson carries twice and scores the TD. Nantz and Simms are still arguing over whether they should have put Favre's chance at the record first. Hey guys, no one cares who calls the play all right? Try putting the game first?

GREEN BAY 31 - SAN DIEGO 21

:20 - The Chargers move quickly to the Green Bay 30 and hit a field goal. That's the smartest thing I've seen them do all day. Now they have time, a timeout and a chance if they get the onsides kick.

:19 - They do not get the onsides kick. Driver recovers. Packers win! Again! I don't think the Chargers are done for but man, this was a great win. Favre and Driver get some personal records, the team gets a confidence building win and Detroit and Minnesota lost. That's a good day right there.


*Buster Brown was a shoe store in the 80s. They sold shoes and gave away balloons. They were pretty damn cool.

The Golden Mullet Awards-Pack Vs. Giants

By Packman

Quarterback:

What is vintage Favre? Add three touchdowns and some kick ass and there you go.




Receivers:

Pretty, pretty good. Driver was on board, the tight ends showed up....nice.




Running Backs:

They could be worse, at least they scored a few touchdowns.





Defense:

They play with fire and emotion. How about that for game two?




Special Teams:

One missed field goal, but we seemed pretty good everywhere else. Come on Bing, you gotta make those!




Coach:

He still needs to find a running game, but a big win on the road. How does he do it with the talent on this team?



Giant Stadium:

What a dump of a stadium. The dome makes that place look good.





Great game by the Pack. Our offense found some life, and our defense and special teams are playing solid. And how about Favre betting Elway for most wins ever by a quarterback....who's Johnny?

Recap! Green Bay Packers (1-0) at New York Giants (0-1)

By MF

Joe Buck, Troy Aikman and Pam Oliver will be calling the game. We got the #1 team, though something tells me it has more to do with New York than anything.

Injury Report - Eli is playing, Brandon Jacobs is out for NY. Jennings and Morency still out for the Pack, along with Spitz.

The sad thing about these national announcers is their obvious talking points for each game. It's good to be prepared guys but hey, guess what? Things don't always go according to your storyline so stop arguing about it and watch the game.

Talking Point #1 - Favre is not a game manager. I love that they breathlessly report this like we don't know already.

Okay, as always, opponent's on offense = italics.

1st Quarter

14:55 - Back to back 19 yard plays for the Giants. No bueno. Plus a 15 yard penalty on Poppinga for throwing Plaxico around like a ragdoll. He had tagged Hawk from behind for no apparent reason on the play and got a smack in the mouth. I'm okay with this. Talking Point #2 - Eli's shoulder. Curiously missing from the TP's? How bad the Giants D looked last week and whether a weak Packer offense can exploit it.

12:21 - The D forces a 4th down after two run stuffs and a terrible pass from Eli that goes out of bounds. Not sure if that's injury related or just the normal scatter arm of Eli showing there. Tynes hooks his kick from 34. No good!

9:29 - The Packers are driving and they seem to have an actual plan. Oh goodie. The announcers have mentioned about 9 times that the Giants LB's suffer in coverage. And there's Donald Lee for a 1st down. Nice work boys!

7:03 - Wynn gets stuffed on 3rd and 1. Not his fault, O-Line got destroyed on that play. Are the Packers planning on using Wynn on short yardage? I like his shiftiness and size. Crosby follows up the poor play with yank of his own from 43. Fugly sequence there. Bad snap, bad kick.

:05 - The Giants can move the ball in spurts but the D is locking them down. These guys put up 35 on Dallas last week and there's no way that happens today. No way. The Packers have the ball and thanks to a flakey Pass Interference call have moved from their own 4 yard line out to the 30 or so. I'll take it.

2nd Quarter

14:52 - Favre has all day to pass. The O-Line is still struggling mightily with the run but the pass protection has been above average so far. Last week they no-assed it, this week they're half-assing it. Against the Chargers we're gonna need to whole-ass it. For further ass analysis please check me out at www.itcamefrombehind.com.

13:26 - The Giants' Gibril Wilson roughs Jon Ryan and then picks off a deflected pass from Driver's shoulder on the ensuing play. I guess that's one way out of the coach's doghouse. The other way would be the little door at the front.

10:51 - This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Favre to JJ for 46 yards. That's the first completion over 15 yards on the season that didn't require a lot of running after the catch. Nice to see.

9:46 - Ryan Grant takes a screen 15 yards to set up 1st and goal. I have no idea if he'll be any good but that was cool. I love these immediate vengeance games after a trade. It adds so much to something as innocuous as a screen pass.

8:19 - And the offense is on the board! DeShawn Wynn from the 6 on a nice little run.

GREEN BAY 7 - NEW YORK 0

7:16 - The Giants march down the field and tie it up with a pretty 25 yard completion to Plaxico. He was double covered. But he was not, it should be noted, double covered by guys 6 foot 5 like he is.

GREEN BAY 7 - NEW YORK 7

1:38 - This is not going well. After some poor play from D we get lucky as Nick Collins does just enough to break up a pass to Shockey that could have given the Giants the ball on the 4. Tynes from 48. Burress limps off. Not a bad trade.

GREEN BAY 7 - NEW YORK 10

3rd Quarter

14:52 - Tramon Williams has some speed. 42 yard return and he looked...dangerous? Have we had a returner seem even mildly threatening in the past decade? Our best returners seemed to be about as fierce as an angry kitten. Put down that yarn kitty! Put it down! Tramon looks like a moderately sized cat, like a Lynx or a very small Jaguar. I consider it progress.

9:07 - The offense manages a drive despite being stuffed for 1 yard on every 1st down run call they had. Lots of passes to fullbacks, tight ends and over the middle stuff. Y'know, where the LB's play. Bubba for 6! Welcome back to the end zone sir.

GREEN BAY 14 - NEW YORK 10

4:25 - Well that was mildly depressing. That's the second time the Giants have given up a score and then marched down the field for points of their own. This time it's just a field goal though as Manning managed to miss his receiver by 10 yards. Note to small, angry generals everywhere, if you're planning a coup give Eli a call, he knows all about violent overthrows. Tynes from 32.

GREEN BAY 14 - NEW YORK 13

4th Quarter

14:45 - The Packers are marching with short throws to the TE's over the middle, some crossing routes to the WR's and an occasional run. Offense is definitely looking good though.

13:33 - Donald Lee gets open on a beautiful touch pass from the 3 for a touchdown. It'll be interesting to see if the D can hold after this one.

GREEN BAY 21 - NEW YORK 13

13:26 - The D won't get a chance. Ahmad Bradshaw fumbles the return on the New York 30. Charlie Peprah jarred the ball loose and Tracy White has his second fumble recovery in two weeks on special teams. He's feeling kind of invincible right now.

11:41 - Another short drive with passes to Bubba and Driver. The country of Favre has a dispute with the tiny Republic of Driveria and sends a small rocket to wipe them off the face of the earth. The Republic of Driveria survives, but the surrounding countryside of New York is decimated for 6.

GREEN BAY 28 - NEW YORK 13

4:12 - The Packers try to run out the clock and fail initially. The Giants stand around in stunned silence and try to figure out how the heck Corey Williams came up with an interception. Answer? Eli gave it to him with a big bow on top and a card with a picture of a train that says "I choo-choo-choose you." Tom Coughlin had a coronary but his corpse is doing the same thing his alive version would. Losing. DeShawn Wynn busts off a 38 yard TD just for the heck of it.

GREEN BAY 35 - NEW YORK 13

Nothing else much happens. The D refuses to give up late points. Jared Lorenzen comes in and all 300 pounds of him gets beaten to holy hell in just under 10 snaps. Favre looked great today, completed something like 14 in a row in the second half to seal the deal. The only negative was Joe Buck welcoming in viewers from other games by saying that the score was "not a mistake". I'm not quite sure when it was determined that the Packers were going to be dominated in this game but he made it sound like Appalachian State vs. Michigan with that pithy comment. Joe, this is why people think you're a tool.

Recap! Green Bay Packers (0-0) vs. Philadelphia Eagles (0-0)

By MF

Kenny Albert, Daryl "Moose" Johnston and Tony "Dumbass" Siragusa. Lucky us. This isn't the worst crew, but anytime Siragusa is involved I'm a little concerned. Putting this guy on tv, even for his supposed expertise, seems like a warning sign on the road to idiocy. On the plus side Mike Carey is our Ref today. He must be good, I actually bothered to remember his name.

As a recap, when the Packers have the ball the comments are normal, when the opponent has the ball the comments are italicized.

1st Quarter
14:44 - Philadelphia receives and looks awful on offense. McNabb is called for intentional grounding. Favre emphatically begs the Refs to make the call and they do. Kenny and Daryl immediately start in on how smart Favre is. I love Favre but every qb in the league knew that was the call. Good news for those of you who had Favre's first uncomfortable worshipping clocking in under 1 minute of the season. And the Packers don't even have the ball!

14:10 - Frank Caliendo, apparently dressed as John Madden, is singing some terrible song. Normally in this situation I'd ask someone to kill me, but clearly I'm not the problem here. Kill Frank Caliendo. Make it happen people. Just make it happen.
Oh, by the way the Packers go three and out on their first possession. Mike III admits that he had timid playcalls last year according to the guys in the booth. Good, step one is admitting it.

13:10 - On the ensuing punt Greg Lewis of Philly muffs the punt around the 25. Both teams play kick the can into the end zone and Tracy White of the Packers recovers. Touchdown!

GREEN BAY 7 - PHILADELPHIA 0

11:14 - Philly has to call a timeout to avoid a delay of game penalty. They're basically averaging a mistake a minute, be it penalty, timeout or muff. And what a muff!

10:34 - The Swordsman, Nick Barnett, makes a nice recovery to pick off McFab around the 35 of Philly. I know he's got his detractors, particularly in night clubs, but I still like Nick.

9:40 - The offense does nothing but the rookie kicker doesn't care. Mason Crosby drills it from 53. His first kick in the league is 50+. Nice. He looked calm there, I feel good about this kid.

GREEN BAY 10 - PHILADELPHIA 0

9:29 - A 15 yard facemask on Philly during the kick return. This is the least disciplined team I've seen since the Vikings.

7:25 - On punt coverage Al Harris is drilled by Atari Bigby and leaves the game holding his arm. Fantastic. Someone tell the new guy not to mess with the old guys please?

7:05 - This really isn't anything special but it should be noted. #89 had back to back catches for the Packers and remained in the game. I still haven't recovered from the Turd Ferguson years but this is a good start. James Jones, working to redeem the number 89, the name "james jones" from koolaid man, I mean, what can't he do?

4:46 - Bubba, continuing a somewhat less than awesome trend, gets outplayed for the ball and Favre has an interception. Yay. I still love Bubba, it was a tough play, but it's not the way to start out.

:20 - With Al Harris in the locker room being examined the Packers give up a 43 yard pass by Tramon Williams. I think that's his name. Anyway, he clearly needs to be kept on the bench.

2nd Quarter

14:10 - The Eagles had 1st and goal from the 6 and couldn't get in. Nice work by the defense. Akers hits from 33 after yet another penalty.

GREEN BAY 10 - PHILADELPHIA 3

10:20 - Al's back. And with him is his new 19 pound elbow wrap. I'm sure no one in Philly is planning to attack our one armed Popeye.

6:00 - The Eagles cap off a nice drive with a TD to Jason Avant. Kampman just missed sacking McNabb earlier in the drive. I have no real agenda here. On a side note, the announcers tell us that right before game time an Emergency message was played over the PA system calling for the evacuation of the field. It was a false alarm. I'm only mentioning this because Tony "the Tool" Siragusa said "Eagle fans ain't leaving though". Tony, I hate to break this to you but yeah, they would have left if they had to, just like Packer fans. Also, if they had stayed they would have blown up if a bomb was near them, also like Packer fans. The only difference between the two is Packer fans don't bitch about everything all day and then claim they're just being tough or honest.

1:00 - Each team's offense looks pretty rough now. Which is also a way of saying each defense is looking pretty good. They've alternated back and forth with the ball and neither team has threatened. For the first time all day Brandon Jackson makes a nice play. 13 yard catch and run with some shiftiness.

:14 - With little time and no timeouts the Packers try to rush a play. Jackson makes another nice play but doesn't go down. He should have flopped so the kicker would have a chance. Rookies... Sigh.

3rd Quarter

14:09 - Bubba with another drop. It was a tough, diving attempt, but still. All eyes are on you big man. C'mon! Ooh, redemption! Bubba for 14 and a first down!

11:02 - Avant is wide open for a 30 yard catch and run on 3rd and 7. I thought we all agreed these monster plays for 30 yards at a chunk were a bad thing?

8:15 - Akers finishes off the drive with a FG from 47. The D made 'em earn it, but they still gave up points.

GREEN BAY 10 - PHILADELPHIA 13

4:48 - Favre, about to be sacked, flips a 1 yard pass to DeShawn Wynn, who promptly shuffles for 18 yards and a first down. Nice craftiness by the veteran and some nice moves by the rookie. I don't know why but I've got high hopes for Wynn. I'm hoping he earns it at some point.

3:20 - As Favre is going down he completes a pass for 7 yards to Donald Lee. The linebacker sitting on top of Favre seems to say something along the lines of "I am very disappointed. I felt that I had made a play for my team but you have thwarted my efforts with your guile." Or he may have said "Dammit", I'm really not sure, his lips didn't seem to be moving that long.

:49 - Crosby again drills a kick. This time from 37. The offense hasn't done much but we're in this game thanks to vastly improved special teams, defense, and the Philly Penalty Fest.

GREEN BAY 13 - PHILADELPHIA 13

4th Quarter

12:55 - Corey Williams comes up with a big sack on 3rd and 2 to force a punt. Cullen Jenkins had a sack taken back earlier in the drive too. D-line looking good.

8:25 - After a quick failed drive by the Pack the Eagles are working again. Kampman with a sweet tackle of McNabb. I don't know how he held onto the ball.

8:00 - Nick Collins misses an interception despite being in perfect position. It forces 4th down so it's not all bad.

6:46 - On 3rd and 1 Favre misses James Jones down the right sideline. He had his man beat and it could have gone for a TD. Nice play call, just need to work on the execution. Favre looks like an extra on one of those old Excedrin commercials right now.

5:53 - Eagles driving in a tie game and it's late. How do you think I feel? If you guessed "Jolly" you'd be right. Johnny Jolly knocks down his third pass of the day. 3rd and 5 coming.

5:45 - Bush and Hawk smother a short pass to force the punt. Thanks to yet another penalty on the Eagles the Packers are starting on their 49. This is what you might call a golden opportunity.

4:20 - And by "golden opportunity" I did not mean "a chance for the O-line to whiff on pass protection and allow Favre to get stripped of the ball". I thought I should clarify that. Eagles ball on our 38. And they have Akers. At the moment I'm trying to focus on how good the wife looks in her Reggie White jersey rather than the fate of our boys. C'mon D!

3:00 - Third and 12 from the Packer 40. The D has done it's job to this point but it won't matter if we give up points. Cullen Jenkins gets held. 10 yard penalty! 3rd and 22 coming! That's a lot of exclamatin points! McNabb throws out of bounds, missing his man pretty badly. Nice work Mr. Defense!

1:13 - The Packer "drive" stalls out on the 40 with a Driver drop.

:59 - Greg Lewis has been replaced on punt return by JR Reed. He's never returned them before. He apparently learned how to do it by watching Greg Lewis earlier today. Another muff! Muffs all over this place! Green Bay recovers on the Philly 31.

:02 - After the standard runs to move the ball forward slightly they call in the rookie kicker again. He drills the FG from 43 for the win! Ice! In his veins! 1000% awesome!

GREEN BAY 16 - PHILADELPHIA 13

Penalties, muffs and some nice defense and special teams pull off the win. That was a lot of fun. Someone ask Tony Siragusa if Philly fans are willing to leave or if they'll force both teams to play until the Eagles come out on top. I just want to know.

Everybody Hates Dr.Z.

By Packman

Or at least they should. Yeah, I make the mistake of going over to SI.com for some of my news, sports, and what not. But why do I keep on bothering? They haven't made a good magazine since they peaked here, and they just keep embarrassing themselves in the worst ways.

My favorite of today is good ol' Brett Favre hating Dr. Z. This guy has never liked Favre, and believes it's his personal mission to punish him through his columns to retirement. Here's what everybody's favorite Dr. Z. wrote today about Favre.....referring to the Packers in their weekly Power Rankings.

"Green Bay Packers (1-0)

A touching ceremony is planned for Sunday's game in Giants Stadium. It will commemorate the last Green Bay trip there, when Brett Favre gracefully kissed the canvas, thereby awarding Michael Strahan his record of 22 1/2 sacks. A choir will be on hand and Strahan will present Favre a gift of vegetables from his very own garden. Radishes, I believe."

Wow, thanks Dr. Z. That was so five years ago and not even an issue then. What are we going to write about next week, pain killer addictions?

Golden Mullet Awards-Pack vs. Eagles

By Packman

Golden Mullet Awards-Pack vs. Eagles

Everyone's favorite look back at two yesterdays ago.

Quarterback:

Can't be much worse than one interception and no touchdowns. At least he can blame the lack of talent around him.




Running Backs:

Can't be much worse than under 50 yards and no touchdowns. This will be a long season. Can I have Ahman back?




Receivers:

Can't be much worse than Driver having the dropsy's and a rookie who seemed invisible.




Special Teams:

Bing! Crosby is a god among low talent! All of the special team was special today.




Defense:

Super solid. This is how are games will be won.




Coach:

He's no Sherman, but the other Mike got our boys to play and look at us now, we are 1-0. Seems like since Majkowski since we've seen a start like this.



G-Force

The new attitude at Lambeau is paying off. Finally our fans get loud and vocal early in the season...usually they save it until the cold weather.



Philly:

The town smells like urine, they have nasty fans, and Rocky was so last year. Nope, you're done!

They are who we thought they were!

By MF

True, the title of this post is overdone. True, the software we use ate my original post sometime around midnight. Also True, I am a little bitter about that last one.

So, given that the game recap post will have to wait a few days. I'm sorry but the pause will be worth it. Or perhaps not. I make no claims.

Going into this first game the overriding themes of various blogs, comments and articles in what the old timers like to call "the papers" we were told again and again that A) The defense must carry us. B) The running game can only be described as...um, well tell you what, when they start running the ball I'll come up with a name for it. It's hard to name something that doesn't exist*. C) Favre and the kids need to get what they can and avoid the big mistakes.

I think we're 3 for 3 here people. Which is pretty much what we thought, yes? See, the title was totally warranted for this post. I wouldn't use it if it wasn't. Glad we cleared that up. You could also add to the "they are who we thought they were" heading a few more items from the NFL world.

Philly - Common perception is that it's a bad idea to not have anyone capable of fielding a punt. Much as we thought, the lack of punt returners with ability/experience/etc does have a negative impact on the ol' winning percentage.

New England - Completely revamping the wide receiver corps from a bad group to a good group is a good choice. Also, when Tom Brady has enough time to walk leisurely to the sideline for a sip of gatorade, walk back to the pocket and decide "Hey, maybe I should chuck it 60 yards to Moss." it may be an indication that the O-Line is pretty good. These Patriot fellows seem pretty good.

Detroit - Winning a shootout against the worst offense in the NFL last year (other than the Vikings) is pretty much right what we thought. They'll score points and they'll give 'em up all day and all night.

I have more but I'm currently researching why in the hell Andy Reid was wearing a full, black snowsuit at the game yesterday. This needs to be answered. He's 300 pounds! He can't be cold! Long sleeves alone would be pushing it but he was wearing full on Arctic gear. I guess that stupid commercial is right, it is Always Sunny in Philadelphia.


*I mean, other than mythology, which is sort of entirely based on naming things that don't exist. But other than that my comment was spot on.

Nuts to Philly!

By MF

This may be misguided and overly simplistic, but it feels right. Most of these comments apply to the sports teams of the greater Philadelphia area rather than the city itself. To the fans of those teams rather than the general citizenry. I realize blanket statements are woefully inadequate, generally wrong and usually lame. Still, it should be noted, I have no sympathy for Philly.

There's this perception that Philadelphia teams deserve our sympathy - probably owing to their general ineptitude at winning actual titles. There's this acceptance that Philly is somehow the underdog because they're not as evil or competent as New York or the New England teams. This is bullshit. What is Philadelphia, the 5th largest market in the country? In the NFL the 4th thanks to L.A.'s continued willingness to sit on the fence and not pick a team.

Yet we're supposed to believe that Philly's fans have suffered. That they deserve a win. That they're outgunned and outclassed. None of these things are really true.

You can't say the fans have really suffered. Their teams are perpetually in it. They can't close the deal but hey, have you looked around lately? Everyone says they're a long suffering fan of various inept franchises. You know why? Cuz only one team gets to win every year. Claiming you're a long suffering fan doesn't make you unique, it makes you average.

You can't say the teams deserve a win either. Philly is the soul sucking end of the earth as far as fandom goes and it's entirely they're fault. They booed Santa Claus and cheered for Michael Irvin's injury. They were the first team to require a jail IN the stadium. Their fans are loud and often incorrect. And no, John Madden, a killer sandwich doesn't make up for all that.

If the NFL were potential hot chicks to date rather than football teams the Eagles would be the last pick taken. If New England is the rich bich with all the money, a brain and a nice body and San Diego is the most beautiful but not very driven then they'd be the girl who is constantly whining, routinely going to third world countries to adopt kids and never once considering what her actions mean to other people. She'd be the wettest of blankets. I mean, at least the girl from Arizona knows she's a loser, so she doesn't bring it up all the time.

You can't say they're outgunned either. They've got superstars at QB, RB and DE. The three biggest impact positions on the roster. They're never left for wanting better players, for needing more money. They've got a new stadium in a huge city. They have nothing to complain about.

So I'm taking this chance to tell all Philly fans to chill the heck out. Enjoy the game. Be happy that your team actually has decent jerseys. Be happy that you're NOT New York. You've got a good team, so stop the bitching.

Prediction

Green Bay 17 - Philadelphia 13

10 - 6

By MF

The Breakdown

I'm feeling kinda invincible right now. Here's why...

The Offense

QB - I see Favre having his best year since 2004 when he put 4,000 yards, 30 TDs and just 17 picks. I don't see all of those numbers but I can definitely see something like 3,800 yards, 25 TDs and 15 picks. I think with the questions in the running game the team will throw as much as last year. With the improvement at the #3 receiver spot and the questions at running back I can see them throwing the ball more in the Red Zone, which means a few more TD passes for #4.

RB - I liked Morency in short bursts quite a bit last year. If Brandon Jackson can split time with him and keep them both fresh then I can see us having a decent running game. Is it really a stretch that each guy runs for about 600 yards and 4-5 TD's? When people are questioning the Packers running game they act as if they won't be able to run for more than 30 yards a game. I just don't see that. If this group can just get to the league average I think the offense will be more than enough to get into the playoffs.

WR - Here's where my hatred for pre-season games catches up with me. I haven't really seen much of James Jones. Everyone keeps on telling me he looks great but at this point I'm treating it like a blind date. You can tell me the girl's pretty, smart, fun and all that and it won't mean a thing if I don't see it myself.

TE - Donald Lee and the re-animated corpse of Bubba Franks. I could have sworn Bubba was buried around the 1 yard line where he fumbled against the Vikings last year. Maybe that would have messed up the heating system for the grass this year or something though? Hopefully he looks a little more like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction rather than the Samuel L. Jackson of say, Black Snake Moan*.

O-Line - All it took was a half season or so wasted in order to get these guys up to speed. Now they're considered a strength. Compare your feelings for this group now with how you felt after the Bear game in week 1 of last year. Seriously. I think we'll be okay.

The Defense

D-Line - As they keep on telling me, "it all starts up front." We have roughly 19 guys in the rotation and I think I like all of them. I kinda feel like I should pick one to hate just so I don't seem like too much of a softie. Nuts to you Muir! Nuts to you all day! There, much better. For the first time since Reggie left I feel like the D-Line is a legit strength. It's about time.

Linebackers - I like all these guys. Hawk's speed, Barnett's intensely lame sword thingy, Poppinga's um, uh, name? I don't know why I like Brady I just know I do. The backups scare me but then, that's why they're backups right?

Secondary - We've got two old men on islands and two young guys trying to help them out. Is this a cheesy movie plot or the 2007 Green Bay Packer secondary? It could be both. For my money I'll take Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones as the old guys with Will Smith and perhaps Taye Diggs as the young guys. And if you're looking for white guys in my pretend movie keep on searching, I'm not rolling with 4 whiteys in the secondary.

Special Teams - They can't be worse than last year.

The Wrapup

I see improvement on the O-Line, Wide Receiver, D-Line, Linebackers, Secondary and Special Teams (by default). I think the QB and Running Backs will be slightly better and slightly worse than last year. Add it all up and I can see a wild card in our future. I feel good about it. Now let's kick this pig.

*Yes I saw Black Snake Moan just because the title was creepy yet provocative. It's good, check it out.

Because I know you care...

By MF

Predictions! Worth their weight in a gold-like substance! Assuming of course that substance is very, very light. First though, in order to assure our flightier readers that I am in fact qualified to make accurate predictions, I now present my predictions for last season...

...son of a bitch. Apparently I just made a prediction for the Packers last year. Sure for you this isn't a big deal, it's just a new paragraph. But I had to go back and re-read all my posts in the archives just to find this stuff, and the stuff was just a really long post justifying a 9-7 record.

The only saving grace being that I was only off by one game. Aaaaand since I'm still bitter about how the Rams game ended I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back and pretend I nailed it. Life is roughly 12% more awesome when you lie to yourself. Definitely try it.

So, my predictions for the NFC North:
Chicago Bears 11-5
Green Bay Packers 10-6
Detroit Lions 7-9
Minnesota Vikings 5-11

I think the Bears are due for a big dropoff. I actually wanted to put them lower but I still think they're better than the Packers. I hate to say that but it's true. On the plus side the term "bear" is now much more common in gay lexicon than "packer" is. So we have that going for us, which is nice.

My reasons for the dropoff include the following:
A) Offseason strife with Tank getting cut, Lance Briggs acting like an idiot, Urlacher realizing that Vitamin Water can't get rid of whatever it is Paris Hilton gave him, etc.
B) Just a guess but I don't think Devin Hester's going to have 19 punt/kick returns for TD's this year. These things level out.
C) Ced Benson isn't all that reliable.

The Lions are improved thanks to Calvin Johnson, Tatum Bell and the populace's overall acceptance with "Furrey" Culture coming into the fore. Or not. I still don't believe this team wins more than it loses. The Defense is sketchy, the coaches are incompatible and Matt Millen still seems like he should be hosting a support group at the local Y for guys who love their 'staches.

The Vikings are compelling for the sole reason that they are not compelling. They have no interesting players, the fans are so bored with Brad Childress and his "kickass offense" that they still haven't sold out the season opener AND Tarvaris Jackson doesn't look like the answer. And this is coming from Viking fans, the most unrealistically optimistic people ever. I'm excited to watch the meltdown. By the way, unofficially in a post last year I noted the Vikings would struggle to a 6-10 record. Nailed it! They're far worse this year. It will be fun to hear commentators try to explain that the old adage of "run the ball and stop the other team's running game" theory doesn't really get you wins when you pass for 95 yards and give up 4oo to the other team.

My breakdown of the Pack comes later this week.

I have no idea what I am doing.

By MF

So here's a funny little anecdote for ya. Last Sunday when I was flipping through the paper for transactions (I know, luddite) I saw that the Packers had kept Mason Crosby and cut Dave Rayner. I did a fist pump. Seriously. Fist pump.

This was immediately followed by my wife asking why I was "cheering" the transactions. I tried to explain. Then I realized that I didn't really know why I was happy about the decision. I had no idea. I just sort of clammed up and pretended to play with the dog after that. I'm cagey like that.

So what are my reasons for the fist pump? It's not like I read a sweet Get Fuzzy strip and high five myself. Because I don't. I don't even let out a "whoo hoo" when going through the piddly stocks that I have, and those things can actually earn me money. So what gives?

Rayner kicked pretty well for us last year. Certainly well enough to stick around. He drilled a game winner against the Vikings on a cold and crappy night. He boomed some kickoffs (which was a nice change from limp-ankled Longwell). He had a good pre-season. And yet I was happy he was cut.

I'm trying to determine if it's just the hope that a rookie can bring. Maybe we're looking at the dawn of a new age of kickers. Maybe it's the name. "Mason Crosby" sounds like the name of a lawyer in the Atticus Finch mold, a good southerner. I think we can all agree that's entertaining. Maybe I just didn't want the team to waste a pick on a kicker. True, just a 6th rounder, but after the trauma of Mike Sherman's draft day deals I'm twitchy.

Some might even suggest that it's a way for me to be a quiet apologist for Teddy T. A subtle way to say "see, he made a good pick!" That's possible. At any rate, I'm pretty pleased with the whole thing. Hopefully that fist pump won't turn into a forehead slap after the rookie pushes a chippie wide right. We shall see.

53 men and a Bjork

By MF

I realize there are legitimate questions and concerns about the current roster. Two qb's? Just two Tight Ends? We had 9 of 'em last year and now we have two? I can't say I'm upset with the decision or anything, just thought I'd mention it.

What I am happy about though is that with the possible exception of that wideout named Craphanso I think we have the most awesomely named player in the NFL (sort of) this year. Carl-Johan Bjork.

In order to qualify for such an award it helps to have two first names, especially if they're hyphenated. It also helps that his last name is shared with a borderline batshit crazy musician from Iceland. I expect, nay demand, that if Carl somehow makes his way onto the active roster this year and somehow makes a tackle (most likely special teams) that the PA announcer plays "Army of Me". Also, to a lesser extent, if Mr. Bjork somehow whiffs on a game-saving tackle and contributes to a losing cause I sorta want to hear "It's Oh So Quiet". But we can negotiate that later, I'm just spitballin' here.