Monday, December 31, 2007

Whoops! Bears back on bottom.

Bad news Bears. You went from first to worst in the NFC North, and the team you love to hate is back on top. That's right Lovie, the Pack is Back, sitting comfortably in first place.

I know Bear fans you feel pretty good about winning on a high note and all, but I hope that gets you through your winter. Remember after your long winters nap that even though 2008 is a brand new still got the same quarterback problems, aging defense and a coach who was just a flash in the pan. Enjoy the playoffs!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

What kind of city is it? Windy.

I'd like to sit here and pretend that I'm devastated that the Pack lost twice to an inferior Bears team. I'd like to. But I'm not all that devastated. I'm not even really bummed. In the grand scheme of things this loss hits me like when you're sitting at home and the wife said she'd get ice cream and then she shows up and she doesn't have anything from DQ because the line was too long or whatever. You just sort of shrug your shoulders and say "well, I'll have it some other day." That's how I'm feeling.

So sorry Bears fans - your owner's still an evil witch, you still have to look at yourselves in the mirror and try to forget that you talked yourself into liking the White Sox a couple years ago just so you could see a team win it all even though that team has no fans as commanded by God after Satan corrupted them in 1919, you still lead the charge in the NFC North for "Team Name that makes everyone want to tell gay jokes" and will stay that way until Detroit does the sensible thing and renames themselves the Polesitters, and finally, no, you didn't convince me to give up writing about the Packers each week. That was Christmas Vacation. Not you.

I'm actually thankful for this game. If the Packers play that poorly in bad weather why in hell would I want them to have another home playoff game? Dallas looks pretty good right now if you ask me. Now if you'll excuse me I think Jon Ryan needs a hug.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Green Bay Packers (11-2) at St. Louis Rams (3-10)

Let's play a game. It's called "Guess what MF and the C&P crew were up to this week." I'll even make it multiple choice.

A. Busted making counterfeit Chicago Bears playoff tickets (really should have stopped after, say, week #3).
B. Working really, really effing hard at their "real" jobs.
C. Consoling the single women of Burlington now that we know Tony went for that blonde bimbo Jessica Simpson.
D. Arrested for supposedly "stalking" Jon Kitna. How can it be "stalking" when I was sitting innocently on his driveway and HE nearly ran into ME? Is it so wrong that I wanted to know how Jonny felt about God changing his whole mind on the 10 wins guarantee? By the way, I know that saying God cares about football games is pretty stupid but I think we can all agree he would have to be prominently involved for the Lions to get to double digits in wins right?

Sadly, the true answer is B. But the others were considered. I work in the home loan business and "end of month" and "end of year" are two phrases that basically mean "work through lunch" and "try not to forget the faces of your family." So yeah, basically we suck and we're sorry. So please, give us a break. That means you Butch and Coach Carl and Spoonie Love and all the people who actually sorta miss us when we're too tired and/or lazy to post. Now then, onto the game recap, enough of these shenanigans.

A few notes from this game:

  • We need a nickname for Mason Crosby. Sure he sounds like a smooth southern attorney now, but we need something with flair. For his standard kicks I think we can call him "Bing" Crosby. For one thing my PR people say this will help our hit counts with the older folks (hey ma!) and for another it's just sorta fun to yell "Bing!" in an obnoxious manner towards the opposing team's fans. Also, and this is the key to this whole thing, when Mason decides to hit one of those bizarre knuckler, no spin jobs like he did from 46 this week we must, we absolutely must call him "Bada Bing" Crosby. So named for the strip club on the Sopranos. This name is perfect because much like when going to a strip club, when he hits one of those watermelons you feel like you're about to get fucked, but not quite (bye ma! sorry!). It's really perfect when you think about it.
  • KoRo, Chuck Wood, Blackmon, Tramon - yeah, they're all pretty good at returning kicks. Isn't it nice to have a special teams unit that legitimately scares the other teams? This team has all sorts of ways it can beat you. That's funtastic.
  • Brett Favre now has all the records in the book. Both good and bad. Because dammit, he wanted 'em all. If Brett Favre was a writer on the internets he'd be the opposite of the C&P staff. Heck, you'd have posts every day. I was really happy to see this record setting pass go to Driver. Is there a receiver with more class in the NFL today? I hope he doubles his season TD total against the Bears.
  • We're all on a rotation. Rouse rotates in at safety. The CB's shift places so much the other team's QB thinks he's playing Whack-A-Mole. And now Ruvell Martin is in on routes with one WR. I like that we're sort of secretly resting guys but not really. Mike Mac is cagey. I've almost convinced myself all the stupid deep passes in the Dallas game were really just a ruse by Mike so that he wouldn't show Dallas what our real offense is like. Almost.
  • Apropos of nothing, if the world was somehow infested with zombies, how long would it take for us to realize Ted Thompson is still "normal" Ted? I say three or four hits with a baseball bat to the noggin before he told us to knock it off. Then he'd sign a fullback off the waiver wire and Mike Vandermouse would be writing about how the guy has a legit shot at the Pro Bowl as an alternate by season's end. Ted's a lot like Stephen Hawking, brilliant mind hidden behind a facade of weakness. Or a facade of a knuckle dragging ogre. Either/or, really.
  • Holy shit I just compared Ted Thompson to Stephen Hawking.
  • In the past two weeks, against admittedly craptastic teams, the Packers have won by 31 (at home) and 19 (on the road). All season long I've sort of just been thinking that this year is really just a stepping stone to next year's title run. But I'm an idiot. This team has a very strong case that it's the #3 team in the country right now, and number #1 (Patriots) and #2 (Colts) have to fight it out to see who goes to the Bowl.

I'm gonna end on that note. We all know the Cowgirls are still around. We know the O-line needs to solidify what it's doing and the Defense needs to not give up 150 yards on the ground. But wow. This is fun.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Mike Mac's Domination Machine

Oakland Raiders (4-8) at Green Bay Packers (10-2)

Lambeau Field - Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon in the booth. The always fantastic Ed Hochuli reffing the game.

KGB, Chuck Woodson and Brett Favre all return to the lineup.

There were some entertaining moments in the Packer's dominating win over the Raiders, here's what stood out to me.

  • Will Blackmon may just have a future in the league. His punt return for a TD (kinda) was terrifying and easy all at the same time. When the return man decides to catch the ball on the run in traffic I usually scream something that sounds like a little girl watching her favorite doll get eaten by a pitbull "nooooooooo." But a few moves later we had a TD (kinda) on the board. He also was involved in the tackle and fumble recovery of for a TD (for real) in the end zone. Blackmon may just be one of those guys who has "it."
  • Early in the game the Packers weren't finishing drives and Favre looked to be about 100 years old after taking a hit to the legs. The cold didn't look like much fun. Kevin Harlan basically pleaded for Rich Gannon to dissect his game, his injury, etc. Y'know, provide the QB's perspective sort of thing. Gannon either didn't understand that he should provide some analyis or just steadfastly refused. He eventually muttered something about Favre loving the cold. Harlan was clearly annoyed that he couldn't get a real answer. Even my dog was embarrassed for him. And my dog licks places on himself that pretty much forgo any possible shame you can put on a guy, so that tells ya something.
  • Jam Russell doesn't like the cold. They showed the Raider's QB of the future on the sidelines. Perhaps he was auditioning for the role of Snake Eyes in the new GI Joe movie or something. Completely bundled up with just a small slit for his eyes exposed to the elements. I know he wasn't playing but that wasn't a real positive sign.
  • This Packer team is legitimately good. We got 14 points from special teams (solid returns AND good coverage), scored 24 points on offense (and left 6-10 points on the field, easy) and didn't give up anything on D other than one drive where Jerry Porter had to be perfect to pull the ball away from Al Harris, who was covering him perfectly. This game could have easily been 44-3.
  • Ryan Grant can play. I know the Raiders have a terrible Run D, but 156 yards is 156 yards. It's nice to see us rolling up the running game as the weather turns craptacular. I've gone from worrying about him, to feeling surprised about him, to feeling really dang good about the guy in just 8 weeks. If he keeps this up I may have to show up for a vicious fanny slap on him like Favre gave Juice Coston after the Don Lee TD.
  • Speaking of the fanny slap, I know people hate the incredibly tired "Favre has fun out there" mantra but I'd be lying if I didn't rewind that on the Tivo and show the wife. She loves that sort of stuff. Personally I just find it entertaining when Juice Coston turns around, sees Brett with a goofy grin on his face and then starts laughing.
  • Nick Barnett's a stud. He doesn't seem to get much credit but the guy makes tackles all over the place. He rocked McCown's world repeatedly and made a number of tackles in the backfield to keep the Raiders down.
  • Most of all, it was nice to see a crappy team come to town and just KNOW that the Packers were going to win. The final score is just another reason to feel good. It wasn't close. It was never close. The Packers calmly stood on the Raiders throats until the whistle blew. This team looks damn good.