Sunday, September 30, 2007

Game Recap! Green Bay Packers (3-0) vs. Minnesota Vikings (1-2)

Ron Pitts and JC Pearson in the booth and Ed "Big Guns" Hochuli reffing. I like Hochuli, seems to be in control at all times. Sadly not all refs can meet that modest requirement. Ron Pitts and JC Pearson - the definition of average broadcasters. Barely remembered DBs in the League make for barely memorable announcers. Just a fact of life. Bees are the assholes of the insect community. That's another fact of life.

Injury Report - BranJ (pronounced "brange", credit to Butch) is out. Vern Morency is in. For the Viqueens they're missing Tarvaris Jackson and Robert Ferguson. Oh, Fergie's not hurt, he's just missing.

I'm watching the game at Papa MF's today thanks to poor scheduling, bad weather and my personal desire to watch the old Viking fan doze off out of boredom at some point in the game. If you had 3rd quarter in your office pool you win the prize. He's a typical Viking fan. He can barely stand the team, but he watches every week until they convince him that he should not do so. It's entertaining.

As always, when the opponent has the ball the comments are italicized. When Fightin' Mike's Domination Machine has the ball it will be in the beautiful and unencumbered font and style you're now reading.

1st Quarter
11:41 - The Vikings start with the ball and I'm happy. These road games I always prefer the defense to start. I know it's unconventional, but my missing teeth are unconventional and the ladies don't seem to mind, take that conventional! Kelly Holcomb (retread TM) overthrows Sidney Rice by 5 yards after the WR had beaten Jarrett Bush. Punt to come. This is a concern though. The Vikes have a roster full of 4th string wideouts, so it makes sense they're picking on Bush.

11:20 - See, now this is how I didn't want the game to start. Favre gets picked off by Sharper after a mad scramble. Fortunately the Vikings take a lot of penalties and they bail us out with an illegal contact 5 yarder.

11:08 - Welcome back Vern! 2 yard run, it's our standard running output. The Packers are forced to punt. Crowd is sounding 50-50 right now. Boos and cheers on every play. Man, Vikings fans suck. This is the only sellout on their season so far and it's because of the Packer fans.

7:15 - Chuck Woodson returns an interception 52 yards for a score. Wait? What? You mean he's not allowed to pistol whip the receiver and then jump the route? OK. Illegal contact, no TD.

6:58 - The Vikings seem to move the ball in spots (I watch them during commercials on Packer games because I enjoy seeing them lose) but can't every close the deal. Jeff Dugan makes a catch, gets a 1st down and then fumbles. Johnny Jolly returns the ball 20 yards to the MN 45 or so. That is one big freaking dude. I feel like that sentence should come after we say Jolly's name every time.

5:20 - The Packers are on the MN 16 after a beautiful catch in double coverage by Don Lee. Favre hits Greg Jennings on a slant for the TD. He's got the record! You're all invited to the party in my pants after the game! As Favre carries Jennings around and then runs to his wife in the stands for a tearful little get together Dan Marino is shown on the jumbotron congratulating him. All I heard was "Hey Brett, it's Dan Marino..." I like that he introduced himself. I wish he had said "of the Miami Dolphins" as well just to make it clear but still, that was fun. Most of the crowd cheers the TD but then the crowd is made up of mostly Packer fans so that's to be expected. There were some boos. Did I mention Viking's fans suck?


2nd Quarter
14:59 - 3rd and 9 coming for the Vikings on the GB 41. This team fucking owns the area between the 40s. They treat the red zone much like a kitten treats a pack of wolves. Which is to say not well. Kelly Holcomb (retread TM) goes deep to Troy "I'm going to Vision Camp" Williamson who promptly drops the ball around the 10. JC Pearson says "Al Harris didn't panic in that situation." Why would he? On a related note, Al Harris doesn't panic when a mugger drops the gun, when a prisoner drops the soap or when a politician drops his campaign promises. You know why? HE EXPECTED IT TO HAPPEN!

10:04 - On 3rd and 2 Cullen Jenkins bats the pass down. They were on the GB 40. I told you, this team lives in between the 40s. Punt coming. The Vikings are winning the time of possession, yards and penalties so far. Oh wait, I think having the most penalties is not ideal, someone might want to tell Brad Childress this sort of stuff. Oh, and points. Points are good too.

7:37 - The Packers march down the field on a pretty little fly to Ruvell Martin for 35 and Don Lee for 20 or so. Unfortunately Don decided to go with the controversial choice of flipping the ball in the air (possibly caused by Dwight Smith of the Vikings) rather than just go down. Vikings ball on the 5 yard line. Dangit.

7:12 - Nick Collins saves a TD by pulling Adrian Peterson down from behind. Still a 50 yard run for the rookie. He looks amazing. That may have something to do with the fact that he's basically playing with a bunch of cross eyed thumbtwiddlers though. No one else on that side of the ball has any talent that jumps out.

5:35 - Holcomb (retread TM) hits a lineman in the leg on 3rd and 4. He looks beyond awful. No confidence, seems angry at his teammates and has no discernible NFL qualities. Longwell from 44.


4:24 - Wow. Fox just did a montage of Favre TD tosses to "You're the best around" from the Karate Kid movie. That just about killed me. Of all the possible choices in the past 30 years I guess that one isn't the worst, but it is the funniest.

3:05 - The D gives up a big play to Bobby Wade (40 yards, down to the 20) and eventually gives up another Figgie to Longwell, this time from 35. The Vikings offense is too boring to write about. I feel like the more I say about them the less interest this site will generate. They're like a black hole...of suck.


:12 - Running the 2 minute drill is always fun. Jennings for 19, Driver for 7. Timeout on the 50. Jones for 3 and a 1st down. Bubba with a drop (really tough catch though) followed by a 10 yard pickup, steps out of bounds too. Vern for 15 on a screen. Down to the 18. Driver for 13 on third down. 1st and goal on the 5. Vikings rookie Brian Robison with the sack. Crosby from 28.


3rd Quarter
9:35 - Offense gets stalled on the 50. Punt coming. No. Wait. Jesus tapdancing Rodriguez! Jon Ryan, the punter, runs the fake and manages to deke out 9 Vikings and pick up the 1st down. I have never seen a punter do that. The Minnesota equipment manager has to go out on the field with a squeegee and pick up all the jocks. That was 100% awesome!

6:14 - The drive eventually stalls on the 16 with a batted down pass on 3rd and 8. Crosby from 44.


3:38 - Al Harris leaves the game somehow holding his back, arm and possibly his leg. He dragged down Chester "the Molester" Taylor after a big gain and is shaken up. 3rd and 8 for the Vikings coming on the GB 24. KGB sacks Holcomb (retread TM) and forces a fumble. MN recovers. While Al gets x-rays on, everything, Longwell hits from 48.


4th Quarter
13:25 - The drive started on the MN 35. After a great punt by Ryan pinned the purple *'s on their own 7. Then Chuck Woodson returned the Viking punt 15 yards. Unfortunately the Packers can't pick up a 1st on 3rd and 1 from the 15. Crosby again, this time from 33.


11:46 - The Viking drive stalls on the GB 45. All the more impressive since it started on the GB 48 thanks to a nice kick return by Adrian Peterson. So, he's the leading rusher, leading receiver, leading kick returner, what else does he do? Do they make him clean up the stands too after the game? Viking fans boo while Packer fans cheer "Go, Pack, Go". This is Lambeau West.

8:20 - Great sequence for Brad Childress. He challenged that an incompletion was a fumble when, thanks to the whistle, it couldn't be challenged. So then he did challenge the spot on a James Jones 1st down even when he was nearly a yard beyond the marker. I wonder why MN fans want him fired?

5:52 - Favre hits James Jones in stride on a fly pattern on the right side for 6! It was 3rd and 9 on the MN 34. The Packers had been running so many crosses, curls and slants that the fly was perfect. Great playcall, great execution.


1:55 - Sidney Rice makes a pretty, twirling Touchdown catch over Jarrett Bush. The drive by the Vikings was tremendous. It seemed they alternated 15 yard passes with a sack the whole way down the field.


1:45 - Donald Driver recovers the onsides kick. This should be over. But it's not. Earlier in the game Vern Morency had fumbled out of bounds. It didn't hurt the team, but he's not in the game right now and that's probably why. Ryan Grant and Favre have a hard time with the exchange and the Vikings recover on the GB 45 or so. Not cool.

1:15 - Al Harris is banged up and off the field again. I'd be worried but I just remembered that the TD the Vikings scored was against a soft zone. It was also their first for the offense in 20 possessions. Seriously. I don't see them making another play.

1:06 - Kelly Holcomb (retread TM) gets picked off by Atari Bigby on a deflection. Game over.

Final Score

* You can go with whatever childish name you want that comes immediately after "purple". I leave it to you. Me? I'm on the high road.

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