Thursday, July 12, 2007

These people are innovative.

And you people think we can't come up with anything interesting to write about. Seriously. Between the ongoing symposium on how and why and when and who you should see during training camp I'm amazed people can even function. So much to remember. Come early? Whaaaat? Bring a padded chair? Water? Sunscreen? I'd have never considered such things for an event that required me to be outside all day.

At least the beat writers are getting paid. Not that I'm complaining. Other than our one avid fan (I'm looking at you Coach Carl) we're not really in trouble for missing deadlines. That's sort of a bonus when it's a beautiful summer night and the puppy needs a walk.

Anywho, this column fired me up. Top 10 things to do in Green Bay other than watching the Packers. Let's analyze this thing. It's what blogs were made for!

#1 - "amusing times at bay beach" - Apparently "bad times" are not part of the Bay Beach experience. Let's just be clear on that. If you're bored/angry/gassy at Bay Beach you would not be doing one of the top ten things in Green Bay, you have to be amused. Also of note, this is a "vintage" amusement park. I'm guessing that means "dirty and old" but I won't know til this autumn.

#2 - "Heritage Hill" - Walk around the sad little hovels our forefathers lived in when they settled the area and fought off the indigenous people. Or "savages" if you're over 70 and still defending old man whitey's actions.

#3 - "You can always go downtown" - This one kills me. It's like they ran out of ideas (after just two suggestions) and then thought "oh, hey, you can go drinking!" "Buffalo Wings! You're not even gonna believe!"

#4 - "Deal me In" - Oneida Casino - I'm not a gambler (unless you consider going with no underwear to be a gamble, then I'm Kenny Effing Rogers ladies) but still, this is an actually legit thing to do when out on the town. We're 1 for 4 people!

#5 - "Neville Museum" - Aaaaaannndd we're 1 for 5. All right! Don't get me wrong, I love the offseason. If this museum was dedicated entirely to the Neville Brothers and Aaron's bizarre facebug thingy then maybe I'd be interested. Just closeups of it, or him in a ridiculously tight shirt, etc. Nope, that's just ishy. Jesus Tapdancing Christ that is ishy.

#6 - "Railroad Museum" - Other than possibly making condescending jokes about being the poor kind of Engineer I don't know what I would do here.

#7 - "Shopping at the Mall" - I don't know what percentage of out of towners come from Illinois, the UP or Minnesota (like myself) but just so you know, we also have the Gap in St. Paul.

#8 - "Do the Door" - No, that's not a command, a bad dance or anything else it's just a really bad title for the option of going to Door County for some outdoorsy fun. This is cool. I'm no scientician but my awesome math skills confirm that we're now 2 for 8, which keeps with our 25% success rate.

#9 - "Take to the Lake" - I'm a Minnesotan. I can't rip going to the lake.

#10 - "Oneida Museum" - A museum dedicated to the Oneida people. That would actually be entertaining I'm thinking. Three museums in the top 10 but this is the only one that might be worth seeing.