Thursday, August 31, 2006
LET US REJOICE PACK FANS!
Things are a little quiet out there in Packerland, and all the whispers see to dwell on the negative. You hear things like "Not prepared", "Hawk looks weak", and "When will the Bears stop wearing our uniforms for Packer games". Well, all of those seem to be true. But, like M.F. Pack said, this is all preseason. Let's expect the best hear. Come on Pack fans, we're not Bear fans. We're not Patriot fans that 6 years ago only had about a dozen fans, and now they have like, a hundred thousand dozen. We're not rude or ugly like Raider fans. We're not even mean like Bronco fans. We're Pack fans. Let's celebrate mediocracy!
Here is a commercial (okay, it's a little lame) that stars the cheesehead faithful. Or maybe they are just actors paid to look like fanatics. That crazy Hollywood.
I also read an article by Peter King giving each team a "Best Case Scenario". For the Pack, he said 9-7. What the hell kind of best case is that.
Here is my best case scenario: Pack wins the Superbowl...over the Vikings...with John Elway as quarterback. And Tommy Kramer gets injured as we beat them 500 to 10. That's my best case. Worst case....12-4. BOLD STATEMENT, but true. OH, it would also be cool if Ed West showed and tossed a flea flicker to Yancey Thigpen in the endzone...and he dropped it.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Really the only interesting story worth following is the 6th round draft pick who is trying to make it on special teams. And you know what? I'm okay not knowing about that last part. I don't care. I wish I did but I can only muster up the interest to care about 27 guys on the roster. That's it. I did the math and everything. You think I'm lying? Okay, here they are.
Aaron Rodgers (was that a molester 'stache I saw on Monday Night?)
Ingle Martin (I'm on board with anyone named Ingle, it's sort of a house rule)
Mr. Pooper Davenport
Samkon Gado (The Nigerian Dream? Not quite as scary as Okoye used to be)
He-Man Barnett (More for his obsession with the sword thing then his love of fur speedos)
Al Harris (I would pay to see him fistfight Terence Trent D'arby. Actually I'd pay to see anyone fistfight that Wishing Well dork. I still hate that song)
Ahmad Carroll (Much like Ricky Bobby he still doesn't know what to do with his hands)
Nick Collins (I like him a lot but why'd he have to take Leroy's number so quick?)
Marviel Underwood (I kinda wish my parents had the forethought to name me "Marviel")
Marquand Manuel (He's gotta be better than Roman - that's all I ask for)
Johnny Jolly (I know nothing about him but he makes the name hall of fame)
Fergie (Because I have to hate someone on the team)
That's it though. I don't care about the kicker or punter or backups or middle lineman. I just don't. Maybe if those players were better (or worse) I might get fired up. But if you told me they cut Rayner and replaced him with one of those novelty bird toys that bobs it's head up and down repeatedly I'd probably make note of it and then go make a nice turkey samich.
So...this is really just a long preamble into what I was originally going to talk about. I made the mistake of watching a few minutes of the MNF tilt with the Bengals. And all I can say is that I sure picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. Good Lord n' Butter! After watching that you can see why a fella'd want to reassure himself that preseason doesn't matter, right?
In the coming days there will be more cuts and maybe some roster pickups and I may have to update my list. Time will tell. Time always tells. Time is very much like a girl in the 7th grade, it's just a matter of seconds before you hear all the latest gossip.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
That's right. We will have twelve wins and four loses. You can take that to the bank. You see, I saw things in this game that no one else did. Like this.
It came so clear to me. All we have to do is grind down each team and feed their fans the nasty meat. Give it some thought.
Speaking of Vikings, nothing makes me feel better after a preseason loss like a Friends of Cheese and Packers video. I looked through our vault, and I found this gem. Please enjoy!
What a game that was. Who cares if the Steelers won the Super Bowl this year, let's reflect on the past.
Monday, August 28, 2006
A lot of folks out there have taken up with posting their thoughts and inclinations on the green and gold on this here interweb. I don't have the time to mention them all here but I thought I should mention those who are taking it up a notch with their writing and thoughts.
Truth be told we love these guys. Not only for what they've written, which is 100% awesome, but just for the simple fact they're doing it at all. There are many, many folks out there who love the pack and don't bother to waste time away from their sexy ladies and charming kids and moderately annoying extended family. So these guys deserve a little extra love.
M.F. Pack's daily life consists of standard office work and the standard deployment of sweet internet sites to get through said standard office work on a daily basis. He wouldn't make it til noon without these fellas. And yeah, I totally referred to myself in the third person for a few sentences there. It was fantastic. I regret nothing. I'm becoming more and more like the athletes I pretend to interview through various pseudo-aliases every day.
Over at bratsandbeer.com they knock one out of the park every day. As is obvious, I'm partial to their take on Dr. Z and his quasi-senile take on Favre and the packers.
We check out Packer Palace quite a bit as well and we've got to say, the collection of faked logos is treeeeeeeemendous. We're not just about loving the Packers around here, we're also for hating the rest of the NFC North. A long time ago, in grade school methinks, we learned that it's easier to put yourself up by putting others down. These logos support that theory and we, therefore, support the theory of support. I think. To be honest I got kinda lost there poking around the packerbabes site. (just a note, while most of these ladies are the "take home to momma types" there are a few who are, uh, more forthcoming than m.f. pack expected). Where was I?
Over at Oracle of Cheese they're doing what we consider to be as routine as breathing. That is to say, mocking vikings fans. We're all for it. And by "we" I mostly mean just myself but it should be noted that majikman would most likely be in agreement so I don't feel like I'm taking crazy pills advocating for him. That last sentence was overly expository. Totally sorry about that.
Finally, a workday wouldn't be complete without a visit to everyone's favorite critic. Robert Lalasz over at Nietsche or Nitschke continues to rock out with his !#@!^%#$^& out (hint, it rhymes with "rock"). I'm partial to his take on what to do in GB if the Packers were dead riff. Sort of reminds me of this offseason and the bizarre stuff I'm dreaming up in lieu of a real game to talk about.
There are others out there. Many of whom no doubt who happen to be six shades of awesome. Regrettably my workday has either been A) not boring enough or B) too productive to research thoroughly. I apologize. I'm sure I'll explore as we move into the season here. One last thing, for the best in article compilation don't forget the good guys over at packernet.com . I don't know them (other than an email diatribe about Sherman last year we've had no correspondence) but anyone who bothers to compile so much daily deserves all the props they can get. Thanks guys.
If I can pretend to be an overly symbolic coach (say Les Steckel fer instance), I will now attempt to rally the troops through semi-retarded cliches. Enjoy.
We're all just rowmen in one big boat. A big packer boat. And we all have to row together to get where we want. Yes, we're all like Jimmy Chitwood and the lesser talented Indiana kids who won that title in "Hoosiers" that so inspired us. Majikman will be Coach Dale and I, for reasons that should be obvious by now, will be Shooter. Because let's face it, Shooter is just like Dale except he gets to drink heavily and doesn't have a wet blanket for a ladyfriend. I could go on but I prefer to end on an uncomfortable note.
Thanks for stopping by the booth everyone. If you got to this site by means other than a link from one of these other guys I implore you to check them out.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Peter King: Boy you sure got them all riled up with your Favre hall of fame comments. What were you thinking?
Dr. Z: Who are you? Why are you in my house?
PK: It's me, Peter. You probably don't recognize me since I lost all the weight right. Z?
Dr. Z: Peter? Where's Paul and Mary? I'm Paul you say? What? Sure I'll have a syrah, but only if it's Chilean.
PK: Uh, Z? Are you feeling all right? I mean, this is a Cracker Barrel, I don't think they serve wine here. You know, the downright hokey decor of this place reminds me of the beautiful college campuses I visited with Mary Beth a while back. So gorgeous.
Dr. Z: Campuses? Campi? What's the plural there. Ask Linda is what I say. She'll set you straight. Boogity. Why are you in my house?
PK: Z. We're in a Cracker Barrel restaurant in Montclair. You don't live here. And did you just say "boogity"?
Dr. Z: Favre is a fraud. Doesn't care about his team. He's no Johnny U that's for sure.
PK: You don't really believe that do you? I thought you were just trying to get a rise out of people with that nonsense. Favre is the greatest human being on the face of the earth. He's like the Pope. Very Pope-like. I wish to rub his feet and maybe do a spa day with him.
Dr. Z: Do you love the man or something? We didn't put up with that kind of stuff back in my day. Bah!
PK: Yes. Yes I do love him. I'm a happily married man but there are times...I just...no, I've said too much.
Dr. Z: Boogity.
PK: See there you did it again. Have you been in for any tests recently?
Dr. Z: Gah! Boogity.
PK: You should try drinking Starbucks coffee. It's done wonders for me. I'm alert and everything. You know John Madden and I were talking about Favre the other day and we both agreed that, if stranded on a desert island we would both rather have Favre there then our wives. He's dreamy.
Dr. Z: Announcers don't spot the ball exactly as they should. They should all be dragged out into the streets and shot. Or maybe strung up on the 50 yard line at halftime. Ha. Ha. I'd do it myself. Back in my Columbia days we just called it hazing.
PK: Wow this food is excellent. Scrambled eggs, hash browns, eggs benedict. B+
Clearly the boys were as level-headed and brainy as ever. Why a major publication employs two gentlemen as senior writers when they can't be bothered to supply any kind of analysis remains a mystery to us, the common folk, but at least we can be entertained by their lack of preparation and insight.
Dr. Z: Boogity Boogity.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
bret farve sucks
2:18 PM "
That is an actually quote from a comment on "hands". That's all you have to say? Not only is that horrible spelling it's not even true. Have we all forgotten and lost respect for Mr. 3 time MVP. Come on, let's do better than that.
So here is a short video that I pulled from our Friends of Cheese and Packers Vault, highlighting on of the greatest Favre games of all time: The Monday Night game in Oakland. Enjoy, and take notes non-believers.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I'm still trying to sort out if this is a good thing or not. I'm troubled by the fact that I thought Boerigter would help out our thin WR staff to begin with. I mean, if your plan includes 25+ catches from a guy like Boerigter what does that say about your plan? Ishy things. Ishy sir! Just. Plain. Ishy.
While I appreciate that Ted Thompson and the latest Mike still need a bit more rope before they can prove their competence or hang themselves with it I'm still on the skeptical side. Each time TT has a press conference I kinda hope he has a hearing problem or some other limitation and is too shy to mention it. At least then the utter confusement (and yes I like to create words, it's a whole new way of talking) on his face wouldn't be so scary. Can we have a GM that only deals with the press through written word? Would anyone be against this?
The decision with Boerigter makes sense because A) hands of stone are really only helpful if you're trying to fight the Great Nothing with Atreyu and B) he doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the roster movement. It's pretty clear this Packers team will be one of the youngest on the field in the NFL this year. That is by design. For what it's worth I'm okay keeping young guys on the cheap with some upside. I prefer that over retreads any day of the week (particularly Sundays). But still I'm wondering about the plan.
The saddest part of the whole ordeal? You have to wonder if Marcy Marc went to the staff and reminded them that he was a free agent and not a Mike Sherman draftee. I mean, heck, that alone probably could have kept him in camp another week. He really should put that at the top of the ol' resume.
MIKE SHERMAN DID NOT DRAFT ME. Repeat it with me Marc. MIKE SHERMAN DID NOT DRAFT ME. You keep that up and you'll be back working special teams and dropping the occasional slant pass sometime soon.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Here is what everyone around the hive has been buzzing about. Cheese and Packers teamed up with Make Out City Studios to help recreate one of NFL's biggest bloopers.
In 1964 Jim Marshall of the Minnesota Vikings scooped up a fumble from the 49ers and ran the wrong way. When he reached the endzone, he tossed it into the stands which forever sealed his fate. That's comedy.
Enjoy the video, pass it around to your friends, and bookmark this site because Cheese and Packers will me making more of these for your viewing pleasure.
50 - 750 - 8?
75 - 1000 - 10?
What are the expectations for Greg Jennings this year? The rookie wideout from Western Michigan has been THE offensive story of camp/preseason so far. And not "offensive" in a Mike Cooper sort of way. The hype surrounding the 2nd round pick is as ridiculous as a Dr. Z symposium on potential hall of fame quarterbacks after a few bottles of his favorite riesling. So what are the expections?
Rookie WR's are, notoriously it would seem, not to be relied on. The amazing youngsters stand out. Randy Moss. Anquan Boldin. Larry Fitz. What do they put in the water down in AZ that makes their young wideouts into future Canton residents and the rest of their team future "America's Got Talent" celebrity judges? That's a mystery for another day I guess. The point is, not many of the young wideouts do much their first year or two (or six - and yes I'm looking at you Ferguson).
For me personally I'm hoping for something like 40 catches, 600 yards and a handful of TD's. That's just a hope mind you, not a guess. I have no idea what he'll do against real NFL defenses when the games actually matter. I'd like to think that all of the comments from other players, praise from the coaching staff, and the results henceforth in the preseason would indicate the Packers have a special player on the verge of bursting on the scene. But I've swallowed that hook before, so this time I'm going to be a bit more cautious.
What happens then if Jennings is the real deal? If we're going to spend time being skeptical I suppose I can sacrifice one paragraph to dreaming, right? What if he is a legit #2 for Driver? A guy we can rely on to put up a 1000 yards without much trouble? What then? Are the Pack a playoff team if that's the case? A division winner? I mean, it's still the NFC North and it's still got two teams (Lions & Vikings) that are question marks at best and 3-13 at the worst.
The Year 3 question - it's commonly held that the 3rd year of a wide receiver's career is when you can most likely expect a real contribution. Due to all the hot reads, option routes and overall ability of the DB's in the league it's apparently difficult to understand it all until a few years have passed. This makes sense in some ways and it is the primary reason why I'm hesitant to say that Jennings is worthy of the #2 status he's being pushed towards.
That being said, Antonio Chatman, all five foot nothing of him, managed to catch 49 balls last year. Anyone doubt that Greg Jennings has more ability than Chatman? Maybe the years don't matter as much if you have, say, talent? Here's hoping that's the case.
Friday, August 18, 2006
The spirit of Skippy lives on and, in an effort to better establish inter-spiritual relations, has graciously accepted a post with cheeseandpackers.com answering emails from our readers.
I have concerns about the new zone-blocking scheme being employed by our Pack. Do you think this is just a panic move or do you think the team has the athletes to make this kind of system work? I thought small, quick linemen were needed for it but we've got 5 different kinds of beefcake running around out there.
I also wonder about Mike McCarthy's ability to lead a team. It sounds like he knows quarterbacks but that doesn't really help your Sam linebacker make tackles now does it? Did he just leave the entire defense to Bob Sanders and hope he's good at what he does or is he involved?
It's been said that some dogs can smell fear. Can you? And if so, can you smell it on Robert Ferguson? Is it, like, pungent on Fergie and maybe just like mild b.o. when it comes to young guys like Greg Jennings? You could really be a help to the team if you could eliminate the guys who are afraid right? Have you talked to them about a consulting position? I think the world of you Skip, even if you're no longer part of this world.
Bob from Rhinelander
Happily Panting. Playful bark.
I think y'all suck up there in wisconsin. Ever'body knows we got a'merka's team down here in big D. How 'bout them Cowboys?
Hey uh Skip. It's ol' Dan. Sorry I used your death to make all fans of the Packers look like psychotic idiots, that was in poor taste. Sorry bud. Hey you want to go play fetch one last time? I love ya buddy. Buddy?
Aaaaaaaand that's all for Skippy today. Thanks for the letters folks. For those of you hoping for more informative responses from Skip you may want to remind yourself that this is a dead dog we're talking about. Also, if you're bored, try finding a picture of a snarling golden retriever online sometime. Apparently they're so uniformly sweet that they never allow negative photos to be leaked. Well played golden retrievers, well played.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
While you're here, take your time and enjoy the site. Mouse around and don't be shy. And remember, the dome is smoke free.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
I think I made it clear in my last post what I think of the preseason. It's borderline unwatchable and generally pointless. And yet there's this sick little part of me that wants to invoke the power of Tivo and watch and re-watch every frame of the game. I heard a caller on KFAN (yes, I'm stuck in Minnesota which is about as far away from football awesomeness as you can get) who was talking about breaking down the game tape and HE HAD GRADED OUT THE VIKING'S O-LINEMEN! On his Tivo. There was part of me laughing at this misfit and part of me that was wondering how bad Darryn Colledge's technique is. It's a sickness.
Madden 2007 comes out in a week or so. You can find the ratings of the players online already. Seriously. What game can get people fired up enough to wonder how fast they made Nick Barnett this year or whether Favre's throwing power has fallen off? It's just odd. And the sad part is that I get offended if they rate guys lower or higher than I expect them to. Why do I care? Again, sickness.
The NFL network will re-air the upcoming Packers-Falcons preseason game on Sunday morning... at 7 am. 7 am. I don't mean to be rude but what, exactly, does the NFL network have that is so important that they can't squeeze the game in later? Like, say, when people are awake or not busy worshipping their respective lords and/or saviors? I know it's preseason football but this is the NFL network. What are they going to treat us to? Another fascinating interview from camp with Titans rookie QB Vince Young? Does anybody want to see that? I mean, anyone outside of the 10-14 year old demographic? Why does this offend me? Tap that vein kids.
So I'm trying to come up with ways to kill the time until meaningful games start getting played. I'm gonna have to eat some chili just to get in the mood. And once the chili-eating begins it's just a slow decent into madness.
So far on this site we've been relatively goofy in nature. That will change some in the coming weeks and we'll even have a little analysis (if you can call beer buzzed rants after games "analysis") down the road. But first the games have to matter. Just over 3 weeks left football fans. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get some chili.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
The Majikman watched the Packers first preseason game this year deep in the northwoods of Wisconsin. I was surrounded by my good looking family members and a great tasting brat.
As we all know, the game didn't turn out to be one of the Pack's best, but it was easier to stomach because I was only watching it on a two inch screen TV. That's helps with the digestion. The brat was thankful.
But the good news out of all that is that I was impressed with Coach Mike's 3 decision to throw the red flag on the touchdowns they scored against us. It worked twice, and it should have worked the third time if the refs saw the angle that I saw on my two inch screen TV.
But the best news about this weekend besides the Vikings losing at home and Longwell missing a field goal is I got to try the new Leinenkugel beer, Sunset Wheat. If you haven't had it yet, go out and try this bad boy. It's something to write home about.
"Brewed with malted wheat, Cluster hops and natural coriander, Sunset Wheat has a soothing taste that will leave you speechless. It's like your very own sunset in a bottle." So don't take my word for it....
Monday, August 14, 2006
MFPACK: So tell me, what is it like to be a season nobody really enjoys?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: What do you mean? People love me. Tonight Randy Moss returns to Minnesota! Yeah!
MFPACK: But he'll maybe run 2 fly patterns and then just jog around for a bit. Is that really worth the price of a ticket?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: These are world-class athletes. Even just seeing them for a handful of plays is amazing. Bring the kids!
MFPACK: What gets you fired up about, um, yourself?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: The Hall of Fame game. The first Monday night broadcast with the new announcers. Watching some guy's Fantasy Football team's season go down in flames when his favorite running back snaps a tibia.
(At this point in the interview the NFL Lawyer stops and interrupts Mr. Preseason.)
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: Can we strike that last part from the record?
MFPACK: No. We're sort of a fly by the seat of our pants operation. And we have no money so suing us will do you no good.
(At this point the NFL Lawyer reviews our financial records and, realizing there's no money in this for him, he leaves the interview).
MFPACK: So, what else can we expect to see in the future games?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: (Lighting a cigarette while simultaneously pulling a flask from his jacket pocket). You really care about that crap? C'mon man, I know my role. I just have to act all fired up when the suits are around.
MFPACK: Aren't you worried they'll read this on our fantastic website?
PREASEASON FOOTBALL: First off - the website is about as fantastic as a new pair of undies buddy. They may be nice but it ain't something to get all fired up about. Second - what are they gonna do to me? Cut me in half and make it an 18 game regular season? They've been threatening that for years. They ain't messing with me.
MFPACK: Do you feel bad when players get injured during such an unimportant time?
PREASEASON FOOTBALL: Not at all, man. In fact I have it as part of my contract that somebody big time has to go down every year during one of my games.
MFPACK: You request this?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: Yeah, dude. Publicity is good no matter what. Gets people talkin'. You want a pull off this Wild Turkey?
MFPACK: Sure. (drinks). So tell me what it's like, what's your year round schedule?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: Well, as you can imagine, I don't do a whole lot. I'll go check out minor league seasons and see how they're doing. I have a weekly card game with some of the fellas like NHL Season and Minor League Baseball Season. Those guys are fun.
MFPACK: You relate to them the most?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: Well there's definitely a heirarchy y'know? NFL Season and MLB Season don't hang out with the rest of us. NBA Season used to hang out but his posse kept on starting fights with NASCAR Season so we banned 'em both from the card game.
MFPACK: Wow. What about college seasons?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: A few years back we invited Women's College Basketball Season to a party, but that just got awkward. NBA Season left the party early with them. That's why you got Women's Crew Season on college campuses now. Unholy offspring of that night.
MFPACK: I have no way of verifying that so I'm just gonna go with it. You seem like an honest fella. Any last words you'd like to leave our readers with?
PRESEASON FOOTBALL: I'm a good time. Not great. Hangin' out with me is sorta like making out with a girl while just over her shoulder you can see an even more fetching little lady who wants to go all the way y'know? I know who I am. I just appreciate the time I get.
Friday, August 11, 2006
And don't thank us, thank Tromadz of YouTube.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
I know that I might not always be right. But I'll tell you what, I was on the money with my Dr. Z rant. (Dr. Z, pictured above). And of course, I was not alone. Packer fan sites such BratsandBeer.com, OracleofCheese.com, and Railbird Central all jumped on the stupidity of Dr. Z.
Here are some highlights from an article by Chris Havel about the same subject, that being that Dr. Z is totally lame.
"Whether it is due to senility, temporary insanity or being mean-spirited isn't clear. What is clear is Dr. Z's better days are behind him. "
"It is one thing to be controversial. It is another to be ridiculous...
Amazingly, the greatest hit to Dr. Z's credibility was self- inflicted. He writes: "Sure, I'll vote for Dick (Vermeil). He sent me a case of that great cabernet he makes in Calistoga. You bet I'll vote for him.
Favre better send Dr. Z a bucket of crayfish, ASAP. It might get him elected on the first ballot, and it'll give Dr. Z something to eat other than crow. "
Yeah Dr. Z, you can eat crow!
Here is the whole article.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
By JON KRAWCZYNSKI
The Associated Press
MANKATO, Minn. — Ryan Longwell doesn't look like the kind of guy who likes to wear the black hat.
He's the poster child for nice guys — affable, unassuming, and great in the community and with fans.
Playing the previous nine seasons with the hated Green Bay Packers, and the annual trip to the raucous Metrodome in Minneapolis that came with it, taught Longwell all about playing the role of villain.
Beneath his choir-boy appearance, Longwell had a ball being the bad guy.
"I really loved being the enemy," Longwell said. "I always thought that it was fun. And there was no better place to be the enemy than in the Dome, because it was so loud and they were so against you."
So when the Vikings lured Longwell away from the Packers in the offseason, they signed perhaps the biggest target for Vikings fans' fury outside of Brett Favre.
"We had some huge wins over here back then, but at the same time, it's fun to be on the other side of the battle now," Longwell said. "I'm excited to go to Lambeau for the first time, and I'm excited to play the Packers for the first time, because I still have some great friends over there."
After spending so much time in one place, Longwell said the change has been refreshing.
"The transition has been a lot smoother than I anticipated," he said. "It's been a blast. It's been a lot of fun. It's been really exciting just to have everything new. Getting a chance to hang out with Darren Sharper again is great. He's changed a lot. A lot. He had me over for dinner the first night here, he's a good cook."
And what did the former Packers player have to say?
"At first, not much, he was focused on dinner. He was explaining how things were different now that we're Vikings and he was going into this whole deal about how to properly eat babies and stuff..."
Eat what now?
"Babies. All Vikings players eat babies. We feed on the souls of the innocents. I was pretty nervous but you'd be amazed how good Blackened Baby is with a good Riesling. Now I eat 'em all the time."
Baby eating? Did this happen in Green Bay?
"Oh no. Those bible thumpers frown on that sort of thing. Actually no other team in the league does it. I don't know the legality of the thing, I just know that I need to eat babies because otherwise my soul will die. It happens as soon as you sign with the Vikings."
He won't take his first Metrodome kick in purple until the preseason opener against Oakland on Aug. 14, but the idea of spending most of his season indoors after enduring the harsh elements of Lambeau Field didn't hurt the Vikings in negotiations.
When the Vikings venture outdoors, they shouldn't have to worry much about their kicker. Playing in the NFC North his whole career, Longwell is used to kicking in Soldier Field's wind tunnel in Chicago and, of course, on the icy turf at Lambeau Field.
"There is definitely a technique and a tact for kicking in those places, and the only thing that you can do is have more experience, I used to rely on my ability but now I'll just let satan guide my leg." Longwell said.
"Fortunately I have a lot of experience kicking in Soldier Field and kicking in Lambeau, so that will be an advantage for us. Plus I'm looking forward to Chicago, I hear you can get deep dish baby pizza there."
The kicking thing has come easy for Longwell, who grew up in Bend, Ore., before going to college at California.
This season has brought a new challenge — breaking in a new holder. Punter Chris Kluwe is training to be the holder on field goals in camp despite never having done it before on any level.
Longwell, who has been known to call out the holder or long snapper after a missed field goal, has been working with the second-year player to get a comfort level.
"I think the good Lord still has his hands on Kluwe in some way. He's not entirely evil just yet. It'll happen. Darren's having a banquet at the end of training camp and I'm sure after a full meal of Baby Stroganoff and Lemon Pepper Baby he'll be good to go."
ps. It's entirely possible the vikings and their players are not actually evil. Frankly I don't see how but others have mentioned that it is plausible. Just so you know...
Monday, August 07, 2006
I was talking to Lindy Infante the other day, and he showed me this tape of Mark Chmura taking on Randy Moss. Now I know Chmura was a good fighter, but this is ridiculous. Moss never had a chance. Then again, Randy Moss has always been an over-rated "freak".
So check out the footage here, and don't thank me, thank Lindy Infante.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
I don't know about you, but I'm glad to see Daunte Culpepper out of Minnesota. Even though he was a big dumb idiot, I just couldn't stand that stupid thing he did with his arms when he threw a touchdown. I wonder if that will fly in Miami, fans there are a little more sophisticated...it might not work.
Check out this picture to the left from the Star Tribune. What a joke. What are they trying to make him look like a hero or something. Perhaps this kind of picture would work for a fireman or someone who matters in life, but Daunte?
Cheese and Packers will miss him, but don't worry, I'll post more about him later!
In the mean time, please enjoy this video from DirtyMargaritas.com. They are friends of Cheese and Packers, and this is a must see.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Dr. Z, you are barely worth my time. In a recent SI.com article, Dr. Z was asked about who are "Shoo-ins" for the Hall of Fame. When he thought about Favre, here's what he had to say:
"Is Brett Favre a shoo-in? How about if he throws another 29 interceptions this season? And the whispers start -- maybe he never was that good to begin with. You think this is impossible? You don't know how quickly a great old star can fall from grace"
Not that good to begin with?. 3 time MVP, 2 visits to the Super Bowl, one win, and a playing streak no one else could touch.
Dr. Z, you are out of touch. Idiot.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
JQ: I'm sitting here today in the Packers fantastic new locker room with running back Najeh Davenport. Man they sure have improved this place huh Najeh?
ND: You've been here before?
JQ: Yeah. I played wide receiver here.
ND: Here? Like in a high school game or sumthin'?
JQ: No. For the Packers. 1989.
ND: You sure?
JQ: Yeah. (awkward pause). For three years. So...you get injured a lot. Why is that?
ND: It's a rough game out there man, you should know, you played right (laughing).
JQ: Yeah I did, and I was good. The white Steve Largent they called me. So how come you're so fragile? You seem like a tough guy but you break down more than a Hyundai, what's up with that?
ND: Did you just compare me to a Hyundai? I'm an Escalade man! Escalade! And hey wasn't Largent white too?
JQ: Oh, I guess I didn't realize Escalades suck.
ND: I don't suck. What are you talking about? If I can get my chances I can dominate. And why are you duckin' the Largent thing? You know he was white right?
JQ: We'll uh, just have to agree to disagree. The media wanted you to believe he was white, that's all I'm saying.
JQ: Listen, changing topics here, do you think your incident in college has maybe cursed you?
ND: What incident man?
JQ: You know. Let me set the scene. You, a laundry basket, a horrible decision. What impact do you think that has had on your career?
ND: That's nothing man, it's in the past.
JQ: Well yeah but it sure seems to follow you around doesn't it?
ND: Nah, that's nothin'.
JQ: Does it bother you that my 7 year old niece calls you "Mr. Pooper"?
ND: Dude get the @%$!#@ out of here!
At this point two assistant trainers forcibly remove our intrepid reporter.
JQ: You don't mess with White Lightning man! You don't mess!
ND: Just get out man. The locker room is for players only.
JQ: You haven't seen the end of me Davenport! Not by a long sight! I'll haunt your dreams. I'll haunt...your...dreams!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tuesday August 1
Rodgers has looked better this camp than last year. He threw a nice touchdown pass to Gardner in the am practice. There is a huge difference between Rodgers and Ingle Martin. Martin can’t hit the broadside of a barn. Really inaccurate so far.
The punters are as described in the newspapers. Ryan just booms some kicks but will shank a few too. Sanders does not have a strong leg. Cundiff looks OK as a kicker.
Jennings caught a long bomb from Favre last night. He looks good. Soft hands. Whittaker is at left tackle in place of Clifton. He got smoked by KGB last night. Not sure they could play a game with him there.
It’s hard to get a read on the LB’s in this camp. McCarthy has not run a true running play scrimmage where the back is tackled to the ground like Sherman did. Hawk and Hodge seem to know where to go in coverage so far.
Favre threw another bad pick again last night.
Why is it that two teams, ours and theirs, seem to have many of the same questions yet one team's fans (hint: they include grown men wearing long blonde pigtails) are expecting a wild card and the other team's fans (hint: they are awesome) are expecting 4-12. Why is that the Vikings believe they have a shot in this league? The predictions have always been ridiculous but this is over the top.
Is it just the enjoyment some folks get out of piling on when a team has failed for the first time in 14 years? I'm sure that's part of it. Some articles about the fate of the 2006 Packers seem to imply that not only will the team be employing a special brand of crappiness this season, they act as if that's just the beginning. I'm half expecting the next season preview I read to imply that due to the team's unrelenting suckiness all the apples in door county will rot on the trees. The rotten apples will then attract bees (say, roughly 9 million of them) and the bees will attack the good citizenry of Green Bay. The result will be many decent bar stories and several odd swelling issues due to repeated stinging. And at the end of it all Mark Chmura will complain that it's Favre's fault.
So why the absence of this melodrama in Grimaceville? (I realize it doesn't make sense to call Minnesota "grimaceville" if you're picturing a person grimacing in disgust. That may be apt but kinda misses the point. I was referring to the large, amoeba-like fella from the McDonald's ads that happens to be the same unfortunate color of the vikings. Which is to say, Purple.) I think a large part of it has to do with the prior regime. Most Vikings fans knew that Mike Tice was an idiot because every time he said something it sounded idiotic, which is usally a good indicator of idiotness. Most Packers fans are on the fence with the whole Mike Sherman firing. It's hard to leave mediocrity behind. We could be much worse or much better, we don't know. With the Vikings they assume that by simply replacing Tice they'll be better. I can't say I blame them. I just find it interesting.
Keep an eye on the commentary about these two teams and help me figure this out. If nothing else it'll be fun watching all the confused fans in Minnesota as they stumble around wondering why their boys are 6-10.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
"I think we will go down the field, but I think we're reverting back more to when Holmgren was coaching and that philosophy is the 3- and 4-yard passes are like runs," Favre said.
In regards to everyone's favorite Batman afficionado "He looks as good as he's ever looked, and there's no doubt he has a chip on his shoulder," Favre said. "He wants to play even better than he has in the past."
Favre was most excited about the new group of wide receivers he has to work with. "The competition is there for our guys to step up," Favre said. "History has shown the ball will be thrown to you. There's a lot of touchdowns to be caught, so you have to be eager if you're one of our pass-catchers."
Favre then went on a rambling dissertation about how exciting the new coaching staff and young players are. But he didn't stop there. When asked what else gets him fired up he had this to say. "The Packer fanbase is really exploding with a lot of new talent."
The NFL's only three time MVP continued. "Take this Cheeseandpackers.com website for example. They're young, they're unproven, but they may have something special too. You just never know. They could be the Robert Brooks of the internet. Course they could also be the Robert Ferguson but I doubt that."
But why? "Well, see, the guys at C&P got ripped a while back for focusing too much on the late 80s Packers and stuff. They easily could have cowered in fear, or short-armed their keyboards and stopped typing such fantastic stuff, but they didn't. That's the kind of moxie I like to see."
Are you concerned that the site pretends to have ex-players on staff for analysis, the reporter asked. "Nah, they're delusional maybe but heck, for two solid months in '96 Frankie Winters thought he was Captain Caveman and wore nothing but a rag and a big stick out to dinner every night, I'm used to delusional. And man, I thought Jeff Query really was gonna work for them, you should check on that."
Favre went on to discuss how fantastic the burgers were at the bierstube and also rambled on a bit about his new Nike shoes as well. Favre is definitely pumping the positivity when it comes to this year. Only time will tell if the Packers season will have the same bright, cheery outlook.