Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Queries From Query - David Martin Edition

It's time again for another interview from our intrepid reporter, Jeff Query. It has been brought to our attention that the gentleman doing these interviews may not actually be Jeff Query, it is entirely possible that he is a homeless man with access to the Packer locker room and a small audio recorder. Further clouding the issue, it's entirely possible that Jeff Query is homeless and living in a cardboard box on Oneida. We don't have the most thorough hiring process here at C&P.

This interview was taken in the Packer locker room immediately following the Packers win over the Cardinals.

JEFF QUERY: Wow. Another big game for you this week huh David?

DAVID MARTIN: Yeah, I guess so. It's coming together a bit.

JQ: I'm sorry what was that? I couldn't hear you.

DM: Yeah, it's coming together for us. For me.

JQ: Do you have to whisper?

DM: I'm soft-spoken man. That's the deal.

JQ: Do you mind if I get a little closer, I don't think my recorder can pick up your voice.

DM: That's fine.

At this point Jeff slides next to David. They touch knees and awkwardly look away.

JQ: So do you think you've finally earned Brett Favre's trust?

DM: Finally? I think I had his trust I was just injured.

JQ: What was that? I ask this seriously now, are you missing any vocal chords that I should know about?

DM: No. I've been injured.

JQ: You injured your vocal chords? Was it Antrel Rolle, that guy's a dirty player. He almost broke Larry Johnson's neck a couple weeks ago.

DM: No, my vocal chords are fine man! I was talking about other injuries.

JQ: I'm not gonna lie, I have no idea what you just said right now. What makes you think you're the best tight end on this team?

DM: I don't know. I don't really think that. I'm just trying to help us get a win y'know?

JQ: So there's no truth to the rumor that you told the coaches that Bubba is soft?

DM: Hell no. I love Big Poppa.

JQ: actually call him Big Poppa?

DM: Yeah. He likes it. He's a good man. He's the starting tight end around here, I'm just trying to do my part. With all the injuries and stuff to the...

JQ: To your throat and vocal chords, yeah, we've addressed that. So I understand you were taking part in the offseason training this year, did that make a difference?

DM: Yeah. Me and Papa Rock worked it out this year. I'm a lot stronger now.

JQ: Papa Rock?

DM: Rock Gullickson, strength and conditioning coach. He likes to be called Papa Rock.

JQ: Interesting. So what else do you do in the offseason?

DM: Just training man. I'll watch some baseball. I love the Red Sox. Big Papi is the man.

JQ: Two questions here for you. One, do you call everyone "papa" something? And two, who is the creepy old guy that's been staring at me for the past 10 minutes here?

DM: I don't know what you mean? Old guy? Oh you mean Earl?

JQ: Sure. Earl. Who is he? Public Relations or something?

DM: Nah, Earl's my dad.

No comments: