Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The Golden Mullet Awards-Arizona

Beating Dennis Green is always a good time, it's too bad he wasn't fired after that game. Dennis and Bud Grant are two coaches I would love to force into retirement. What, when did bad grunt retire?

Here are this weeks Golden Mullet Awards. Four is the best.

Threw one, ran one, and no picks. Look, his stats were not jaw-dropping, but did everything he needed to win.


Not bad, but could have been better. They played solid enough.

Running Backs

Perfect. Two backs over 100 yards. That hasn't happened since the Snow Bowl. Nice.



Special Teams
They made a field goal, missed a trick play. You get two.


Out coached Denny Green...what's that worth?

Dennis Green

Bye bye Denny. Won't see you in the Hall of Fame next to your boyfriend Chris Carter.

Nice win boys, let's do it again next week!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Packer Game Day: Green Bay (2-4) vs. Arizona (1-6)

Our announcing team today is Ron Pitts and Terry Donahue. We seem to get these guys a lot. Although a 2-4 vs 1-6 matchup should be pretty low on the network's list of important games. I guess I have no point here. For what it's worth I'm sort of indifferent to this tandem. They're not great by any stretch but they suck less than most. The NFL on FOX slogan for the year! Our announcer suck less than you would expect!

Should be an interesting game today. We've got Leinart, the rookie QB, on the road with a bunch of talented wideouts (even without Larry Fitz) going against a defense that likes to give up big plays. But the Cards have also been absolutely punched in the pants the last couple of weeks with heartbreaking losses to the the Bears and the Raiders. It's the moveable object versus the stoppable force! I haven't seen this kind of non-competition since the time I gave in to my urges and ate a whole tray of chex mix in 2 hours.

Mmmmm Chex Mix. It's officially time to roll it out. Some people have holiday traditions with that divinity candy or pumpkin pie or whatever. For the Pack household it is Chex Mix. I hate the 5 o'clock darkness, the cold, and the snow but I must say this season is absolutely delicious.

Just a reminder. Italics means the opponent has the ball.

1st Quarter

14:06 - Continuing his own running joke Al Harris decides NOT to intercept a lob from Leinart on Arizona's first series. Well done Al. For a second there I thought you might go ahead and catch that one just for the heck of it. You got me! Leinart, for all his college success, looks skittish so far.

13:47 - Ahman Green bursts up the middle for 12 yards. Darryn Colledge was still blocking his guy at the end of the play and then stopped and head butted AG. He held that block for 12 yards. We might just be okay with this o-line.

11:52 - 4 straight runs from the Packers to start the game. On the sidelines the conversation goes something like this...Mike III: "No, no Ruvell. We trust you. You're a starting wideout. We're not going to run on every down I swear!"

11:05 - Was that a fake figgie or did Jon Ryan just think it would be a good idea to run around like a moron for the heck of it? Who was he supposed to pass to? It didn't look like a botched snap or hold or whatever. Please tell me on 4th and 1 they didn't call for that. I'm chalking that up to a broken play. I like Mike III's playcalling so far and I don't think I could handle that sort of stupidity.

9:20 - After AZ does nothing with the ball the Packers begin a new series. And... what the hell just happened? I'm all confused. The quarterback did NOT hand the ball off to Ahman. He...he just sort of tossed it to a guy who progressed forward with it. Huh. I'm at a loss for what to say. Why, if you could throw the ball like that you more often you might just have something!

8:10 - 20 yard pass to fullback Brandon Miree on a checkdown. I don't know how many pump fakes and reads Favre went through on that play but I do know he pump faked throwing to my mom and she's on a quilting retreat in Minnesota right now. My mom was really bummed out too, she thought she had some separation there.

5:45 - See, this is why I like Morency more than Herron. 25-30 yard burst through a gigantic seam. The line is blocking really well right now and Morency has the speed to make a big play. Herron would have had 8 yards there.

5:15 - Donald Driver just misses making a beautiful diving catch in the corner of the end zone. Terry Donahue on the broadcast mentions that he was trying to "run to the grass" roughly 19 times in 7 seconds. There's grass everywhere Terry. It's the unoccupied grass that is valuable.

5:09 - Back to back pass interference calls on AZ. You can't cover Chris Francies without cheating Cardinals! You just can't! Don't even try! Percent chance that Francies even has 1 catch today? 5%.

5:05 - From the 1 yard line (thanks to the pass interference call) Favre drills David Martin from 4 feet away for the TD. That route he just "ran" was 4 feet. GREEN BAY 7 - ARIZONA 0.

3:40 - In an effort to better illustrate how many different lineups the Cards have had on the o-line FOX put together this little time lapse video montage thing. Except it was really slow and broken up by a play or two. I was riveted waiting to see what their week 6 lineup was going to be.

3:00 - What is the over/under on how many times Chuck Woodson hurts himself on a third down play and therefore can't return the ensuing punt for the season? I'm going with 9. Moments later Bodiford (I don't know his first name) returns the punt 15 yards or so. Ron Pitts mentioned that he was just signed two days ago. I was available two days ago! Where's my chance TT?

:48 - On 2nd and 5 Favre's pass gets tipped at the line and falls 5 feet short of David Martin in the flat. The announcers just note that Favre missed badly. Um...what? You don't think it was odd that the ball wobbled and came up several feet short on a 10 yard pass?

:00 - Ahman just drives a linebacker backwards for a 5 yard pickup. Huge power from him. I think the hammy's gonna be okay.

2nd Quarter

14:22 - Ahman Green plows forward for a TD. He tied Paul Hornung for second place all time on the Packers for rushing TD's with that run. Huge power right now. Huge! GREEN BAY 14 - ARIZONA 0.

10:40 - FOX just pulled up a comparison of Favre and Leinart over their first 3 starts in the league. Why must they do this? 3 starts is insignificant and not much of an indicator of potential ability. For evidence of this please take a look at Scott Mitchell with the Dolphins. You think Detroit fans know that you want a little more information first?

10:11 - Chuck Woodson and Nick Barnett both blitz, both reach Leinart for the sack and both then hop around happily. How often do both blitzers get to the qb? I'm excited to see Arizona's next game so I can see what their o-line will look like then!

10:02 - Leinart has absolutely all day long to find a receiver. He finally does and the wide open man drops the ball. It won't show up in the stats but we're still not covering guys very well. No matter what the numbers show just remember how many guys dropped passes today. The D is not fixed.

8:40 - After Donald Driver picks up 8 on first down we have a second and 2 situation. This is the 4th time we've had this down and distance already today. I'm no scientician but picking up 8 yards on 1st down is usually a pretty good indicator that you're doing something right.

7:54 - 36 yard burst from Morency! He might just be the perfect change of pace back. He's got electric speed.

6:24 - Ahman Green finishes the drive with another rushing TD. I'd say more but that whole drive was just a series of solid running. GREEN BAY 21 - ARIZONA 0.

6:19 - JJ Arrington muffs the kickoff and then, just for the challenge, kicks the ball into the the oncoming Packers. AZ recovers. I think if the Pack picked up the ball and scored right there Denny would have gotten a tap on the shoulder and been fired right on the spot.

5:50 - The Cardinals improbably decide not to roll up and die. Leinart completes his second pass OF THE GAME and everything.

:29 - After a solid drive the Cardinals take 6 plays from the 3 yard line and finally A) get a first down and B) get the touchdown on 4th and 1. Edge James carries it in. They gave up the TD but still, this Defense was downright stout there for a bunch of plays. GREEN BAY 21 - ARIZONA 7.

3rd Quarter

13:50 - Arizona has a 5 man line and linebackers just a foot behind them. Ahman picks up 7 yards and a 1st down. That's not frustrating is it Cardinals fans?

13:20 - Green goes for 12 against that 5 man line and another first down. Huge hole. It wasn't exactly the Snake River canyon but if Evel Knievel were around he would have tried to jump it. He also would have crashed into Jason Spitz's left side.

11:40 - Morency has 2 carries in a row for 12 yards. Sadly it looks like he's struggling after those two long runs earlier. I sense a pattern with this running thing.

10:25 - 4th and 5 on the Arizona 34. Arizona bites on the hard count from Favre. It's now 4th and inches. Seriously who, other than Arizona and Oakland, bites on the hard count there? That play NEVER works!

10:18 - Green goes for 10 on 4th and inches. Yeesh. I don't know if Arizona knows this but we have one legit wide receiver and two solid running backs that are gashing them. They may want to go to a 6 man line.

8:05 - Clancy Pendergrast is my new hero. He's the Arizona DC and his name is Clancy Pendergrast but neither of those things are what make him hero-worthy. He's got his laminated playsheet stuffed in the front of his pants. Showing the ultimate honor to Lindy Infante. Impressively done sir!

7:40 - Favre rolls right from the 2, finds no one and dives in for the TD. He then does the Lambeau Leap. Those fans have a day to remember don't they? Then, just for good measure, DD spanks Favre on his way back to the bench. Fantastic. GREEN BAY 28 - ARIZONA 7.

4:08 - Aaron Kampman picks up his second sack of this drive. I was wondering if he was going to disappear on us.

3:00 - Gah! Al Harris gets flagged for defensive holding. For an automatic first down. On third and 25! Dagnabbit, now you've got me talking like a prospector!

1:33 - Completely broken coverage leaves Troy Walters wide open. He walks in from the 17 or so. Ugly. GREEN BAY 28 - ARIZONA 14.

:14 - On third down and nothing (the chains showed that the Packers had a first down) we get nailed for a false start. Sooooo it's now 3rd and 5 and we don't pick it up. No bueno. On the plus side Jon Ryan finally gets a chance to punt!

4th Quarter

13:26 - Despite absolutely no pressure on Leinart the defense holds up and forces the punt. In the FOX scoreboard I see that San Francisco is rallying. Down 41-0 they nail the figgie to cut the lead to 38. I hate that more than I hate watching a marathon of Growing Pains. And I can only take so much of Kirk Cameron and his buddy, the inexplicably named "boner".

11:37 - Beautiful 50 yard pass and catch from Favre and Driver. When asked what he thought of the play Chad Clifton said this: "I couldn't see because I was busy holding the absolute hell out of a Cardinals player, thus negating the play, I am disappointed in myself".

9:08 - Driver picks up 11 yards on a 2 yard out. He juked 11 players and the ball boy for the other 9 yards. He then hurts his ankle. Hmm. If AJ Hawk is lined up in the slot on the next play we can officially panic.

8:30 - Morency and Green both go over 100 yards on the day. 1st time since 1985. That's just crazy. When two backs go over 100 you know the line is blocking everything there is to block.

6:56 - Ho hum drive from the Packers but they get what they need. Another score. Rayner from 42. GREEN BAY 31 - ARIZONA 14.

5:25 - Barnett with the sack of Leinart straight up the gut. Nick's been very active. I've seen him do his little swordsman thing more today than when we hung out and watched the extended edition Lord of the Rings films back to back to back. That was a fun day. I wish it had happened.

3:15 - Despite being down by 17 and having only 3+ minutes left on the clock Arizona is running the ball. I wonder why they're 1-6?

1:55 - Nick Collins sprawls out covering Troy Walters. I only mention this because it's the first time I've seen Nick all day. This isn't a slam on Nick, the Cards haven't gotten any plays past our linebackers all day.

1:43 - Al Harris, hell bent on not getting any interceptions intentionally this year, manages to bat down another easy pick. Is he trying to catch the ball only with fists or something?

1:38 - On 4th and 5 Chuck Woodson DOES make the interception to lock up the win. Nice jumping of the route there. He can still make some plays.

:45 - Morency gets carted off the field. Hopefully it's just cramps. And who thought we'd care about Vernand a few weeks ago? Well I did, which is why I bring it up, to remind everyone how awesome I am.

31-14 is the final. More importantly the fans get to see a win at Lambeau. Good day all around.

Friday, October 27, 2006

This one ought to be fun

Potent Passing Game + Head Coach Hanging on for Dear Life + Anger from Embarrassing Loss Two Weeks in a Row - Offensive Coordinator - Running Game = ? I know I said there'd be no math but c'mon, this will be interesting won't it? There's a chance that if the Packers hang half a hundred on the Cardinals like they did against the Saints last year that this will be Denny Green's last game. It's not often you get a chance to be the final nail in the coffin. I don't really have a grudge against Denny, I just like the idea of the Packers being a Coach Killer and it not involving our Coach for once.

I think the Packers win this game handily. I think it'll be somewhere along the lines of 35-24 or so. I don't think the Packers are going to be shutting down any offenses any time soon, I just think I know it when Denny has blown it. Do we all remember how thoroughly Denny blew it to end his Vikings run? The guy didn't even coach the last game of the season. When he loses a team he does it completely. It's sort of an impressive skill actually. It's not easy to get all 53 guys to turn on you. 53 guys rarely all believe the same thing.

This one might just live on in my tivo for a while. They have to have a camera man just focused on Denny the whole game right? Every dropped pass, every missed block, every turnover will immediately be punctuated by Denny looking like he had Taco Bell for lunch and dinner and is dealing with the ramifications right? I'm fired up. I don't know if winning this game will mean much for the Packers, but losing it would certainly hurt. Hopefully it'll be a romp and we can sit back and enjoy it. I'd like a stress free Sunday one of these weeks.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Raising Arizona

This week we play the sad little Cardinals. They should have beat the Bears a couple weeks ago, and then they lost to the Raiders. Come on, the Raiders. The worst team inf football and some of the worst fans on the planet!

Denny Green's really doing a number in the desert....which makes me miss the days of old when he was the Vikings coach. Remember those days, like when the Vikings were 15-1 and were playing the Falcons. The kicker hadn't missed all year, but he did in the final minutes of that night. Then, the Falcons marched down and kicked the winning field goal, leaving the Vikings one game short of the Super Bowl. Read more about it here.

So I say, bring on Denny Green, and let's leave him winless so he can't go home to play the skins.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

What We've Learned

After the win over Miami there has been a lot of positive talk going on here on the internets and such about our favorite little team. While I always feel good after a win (particularly now that they're so rare) I still get a few too many antsies in my pantsies thinking about the Packers having turned any corners.

I love that the offense is still generating enough points to win most weeks. This despite an O-line that is either young and improving or comicly inept. Or, I suppose, somewhere in the middle of those definitions. Assuming Greg Jennings can be on the field we are still limited to two legit wideouts, a tight end that either A) catches the ball and falls down or B) bats the ball in the air in dismay and a group of running backs that collectively are below average. Thankfully we have a QB that knows a thing or three about how to play the game. But with this group it's impressive that we can score the way that we do.

The defense is another thing altogether. I don't know exactly what it is but I know it's ugly. I think I could throw for 300 on these guys and I can't even figure out the stupid passing cone deal on Madden. I still don't know why teams don't just run constant fly patterns against our corners. Harris and Woodson are fine when they just have to stick with a guy short term but their deep ball skills seem pretty iffy. Then you add in Nick Collins who can hit a bit, plays the run well and has absolutely zero ability to play the ball in the air. It's a little scary. I hesitate to even mention Marquand Manuel. I rarely see him doing much of anything other than tapping a guy when he's down because the play has already been made.

I can see wins against Arizona and Buffalo and I can even see one against the Vikings coming up in the next few weeks. This isn't misguided. The Packers have clearly played better on the road then at home and for all of Minnesota's bluster they still haven't done much. They beat Washington with a beat up Portis, Carolina without Steve Smith, Detroit thanks to Kitna going all TJ Rubley in the 4th quarter and Seattle without Shaun Alexander or Hasselbeck for the second half. Those teams without those players are not any good. The Vikings are designed for 9-7 every year with an immediate loss to the first team in the playoffs they face.

But even with seeing those wins I'm guessing we're gonna give up something north of 900 passing yards in those games. In the long run that's not going to win much of anything. Maybe I'm still traumatized by the 414 we just gave up to freaking Joey Harrington or maybe I'm still traumatized by the smokin' hot (from the neck down)photos of Daunte in a bikini. At first I wasn't sure if it was him but then I saw the tiny hands and knew it really was his body.

I'm fired up to see what Sanders and Mike III can do to rectify the passing defense. We're nearly halfway done with the season and I've seen definite improvement throughout the team. Except for that one area. Until we hold someone to 200 yards passing (and that doesn't mean giving up 175 on the ground) then we'll have a team worth really talking about.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Golden Mullets and Daunte's Bod

While Favre and Green took care of the dolphins in Miami, where was Daunte Culpper? Well, Cheese and Packers found some exclusive pictures at his photo shoot. He's hot.

Okay, here are this weeks Golden Mullet Awards.


Solid, good, two touchdowns, no picks. Nice.

Running Back

The Ahman of old busted out for a long run, he's still got some left in the tank.


Driver was great, Jennings got hurt....who else was out there?


Some great pics, but gave up a lot of yards in the air. Much better though.

Special Teams

Did you see that kick that didn't count? Me either, I was listening to it on the radio. But what a leg. Chris Jacke, look out.


Nice win, you got them ready for a road victory and it was nasty hot hot hot.

Daunte Culpper

Too bad we couldn't play against you for old times sake. You are so bad.....you can't even find a spot on a 1-6 team. Blahhh.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Packer Gameday: Green Bay (1-4) at Miami (1-5)

When you're sitting at 1-4 it's not always easy to find a team that is worse off than yourself. Fortunately we have that scenario today. We are also fortunate to be blessed with (perpetually) Joey Harrington as an opponent. If we're lucky we'll not only get to see him but we'll get to see his backing band, the Wounded Ducks. I feel confident. Very confident.

Our announcers today are JC Pearson and Matt Vasgergian. I don't know either of them but I seem to recall getting fired up as a youngster when JC's catalogue came out before Christmas. I might have that confused with something else though. For now I'm going to assume I'm right. Hopefully he can call a game better than he can run a catalogue because I never got a damn toy that I circled in those things. I used red ink and everything.

It's 88 degrees in Miami today. There's an ocean and warm weather and presumably girls in bikinis and whatnot. It's already snowed twice up here in the past couple of weeks. I had a point at the beginning of this paragraph but after uncontrollable sobbing for the past 5 minutes I don't think I should elaborate. So I shall once again distract myself by wondering when the heck "drinking water" suddenly became "hydrating?" Personally I'm having a Heineken Light (the lady of the house likes it, don't judge). I'm wondering if drinking a beer should now be called alcoholizing? I'm for it.

Reading Note - (programming note for readers) - Italics means the opponent has the ball and non-italicized means the Packers do. It's psychological, sort of like painting the opponents locker rooms pink like they do at Iowa. Everyone knows having their plays denoted with italics is demeaning. I'm trying to make this somewhat cogent for those of you who haven't seen the games. Lemme know if anything else might help, other than, y'know, better notes.

1st Quarter

With the shaky secondaries involved today I'll be interested to see who can actually step up and make a play. This is not the Dolphin D of the past few years. They can be had. Of course I say this before watching our guys make (Lil) Joey look like a pro bowler. No, not a professional stalker of the pins, I mean the trip to Hawaii and everything. I'm hoping he looks like his normal terrible self but, well, we haven't really defended the ol' forward pass so well.

14:48 - DD gets nailed for offensive pass interference on the first play from scrimmage. At least we're going to attack a bit. Assuming that our first play is the only indicator one can go on. I only mention this because announcers do it all the time and I can't imagine a team meeting in which the OC says he wants to pass 20+ yards and that is now the gameplan for the day.

14:30 -
They just ran the intros and apparently Zach Thomas is 4 and a half feet tall. I mean, I knew he was short, but does it say "freakishly short" in his bio? They certainly have room to talk about him in there because I have no idea who the other two linebackers are for this team. Who the hell are Crowder and Spragan? Sounds like a financial advice show on Fox.

11:44 - Chuck Woodson dekes Randy McMichael and sacks (young) Joey. As a youngun I once made a quick run around the base of the Statue of Liberty. It was basically the same thing, only I think Lady Liberty made at least a half hearted attempt at blocking me.

10:20 - DD makes back to back catches for a 1st down. We're around the 25 yard line on our side so it's no big deal, so why do I mention it? I think DD will have a big game today after basically getting shut down and hurt against the Rams. Plus he's my NSMC*.

7:56 - Jason Taylor sacks Favre and forces a fumble. Miami recovers on the 7 or so. Faaaaantastic. With Chad Clifton out today we have a line of Colledge (LT), Spitz (LG), Wells (C) and Moll (RG) to go along with Tauscher on the right side. I'm hoping for sweeps to the right on every running play. Colledge just got destroyed on that sack and I've already seen Taylor in our backfield more than Herron has been for the entire year.

7:51 - (Kid) Joey hits Marty Booker for a quick TD. Way too easy. GB 0 - MIAMI 7.

7:13 - Bubba Franks tips the ball upwards for the 1900th time in his Packer career and it nearly gets intercepted. Can we coach this? Doesn't it seem like our guys have a nasty habit of tipping balls upwards? This HAS to happen to us more than other teams right?

5:50 - The Packers look like they're going to try a halfback pass with Ahman. He wisely eats it. Should we be trying this sort of play when we can't pass block for more than 2 seconds?

5:08 - Second sack of the game for Taylor. He also forced another fumble that we managed to hang on to. That Taylor's pretty good. We should maybe block him on occasion, y'know, just to mess with him.

:52 - Brady Poppinga picks off Joey (Lawrence) Harrington and even gets a solid return. I don't know if this means Brady's coverage skills are improving or if it just means he's good enough to pick off the worst starting qb in the league from the past 4-5 years but it's a start.

2nd Quarter

12:08 - Rayner nails a kick from 42. I don't miss Longwell. Too much history with him and I only remembered the missed kicks. I'm not saying he was a bad kicker, but I'm okay with the new guy. GB 3 - MIAMI 7.

Between the Jay-Z/Budweiser music video/commercial and now the John Mellencamp/Chevy music video/commercial I would say that it's not a question of blurring the line between integrity and commercialization, I would ask if the line ever existed at all. Wow. Plus both ads/songs are just effing terrible. I won't be buying any Bud or Chevy products anytime soon. Or Jay-Z and Johnny Cougar stuff either by the way. Thank God for Tivo.

11:22 - McMichael apparently goes to the Tipping the Ball Up school with Bubba in the offseason. I wonder if there's a nice montage ESPN can do with some tinkling piano in the background as they talk about what's expected of an NFL tight end. "tip the ball down? where's the drama?" Nick Barnett is the beneficiary. Two INT's for the LB's today.

9:54 - Favre throws into the corner of the end zone where roughly 19 players have decided to meet. The ball is tipped by, well, I don't know how many people. I can't really say. I can say that I had time to fly down to Miami, eat a delicious Cuban pork samich by the seaside and still try to tip it to DD before it finally hit the damn ground. GB 6 - MIAMI 7.

9:43 - Nick Collins sticks Ronnie Brown in the backfield for a 2 yard loss. Huge cheer. I love Packer fans.

6:00 - Third and 1. Ahman gets stuffed for a loss. I'm not saying the O-line got pushed back there. I'm no scientician but I think the world shifted forward 2 feet and thus they all fell on their tails at the same time due to this unusual geological shift. We should be looking into this. Instead we punt.

3:57 - Third and 9 for Miami. All out blitz from the Pack. 40 yards later the Dolphins are looking at first and goal from the 6 or so. I get queasy with all out blitzes. Most NFL teams, even the terrible ones, will pick up an obvious blitz.

1:49 - Nice pursuit by AJ Hawk for a sack on third and 2. He's having a very solid game right now.

1:07 - Miami runs 42 seconds off the clock. The Packers don't seem to mind. Mare splits the uprights with the Figgie. GB 6 - MIAMI 10.

:25 - After a couple plays we're at midfield and call a timeout. We could have just over a minute remaining here but we don't. For no particular reason.

:04 - 55 yarder by Rayner (think Longwell even gets a shot from that distance?) is good. But the Dolphins are classless (or cagey, depending on your allegiance) and perform an illegal shift. 15 yard penalty. Then things get really weird. Rayner hits from 40 but Mike Montgomery absolutely mauls the facemask of a Dolphin. 15 yard penalty. After roughly 95 minutes the officials decide that the penalty calls for a 10 second runoff and the half ends ignominously. Yay. I'll try not to be bitter about the fact that the rules don't allow the Packers to keep the original 55 yarder on the board. Why is it the competition committee meets every year, makes a few changes, and yet this sort of thing still exists?

3rd Quarter

14:10 - Tip Drill! Not only is McMichael a member of the Tipping School, he's on the board of directors! Another tipped pass lands right in Chuck Woodson's hands. 23 yards later I'm high fiving myself. GB 13 - MIAMI 10.

11:35 - Greg Jennings is out for the game after that nasty hit right before halftime. They say "ankle" which is good because I thought his head was twisted around in a funky way on the tackle. We have 2 receivers. I just got the call from Coach Jags and I'm suiting up. Man, that Cuban pork samich ain't sitting too well. I may not be able to play today.

8:51 - DD makes a ridiculous diving catch for a TD. It's ridiculous because he had two guys on him all the way. If he had one guy in a baby carrier on the front and the other in a Duluth Pack on the back they wouldn't have been closer to him. I love DD. GB 20 - MIAMI 10.

For some reason Favre is vacuuming himself on the sideline. See the thing is Suck doesn't remove itself. The only way you can remove the Suck is with more Sucking. Topnotch work with the vacuum fellas. And yes I realize it's blowing cold air on him (He needs to aerate).

6:30 - Miami marches, MARCHES, down the field. No Bueno. GB 20 - MIAMI 13.

2:40 - The Catalogue guy is all over Favre for holding the ball too long on 3rd and short. Vasgergian notes that he tried to hit the fullback "in the ankles". He hit Miree in the hands, about chest high, and all he had to do was fall back for the first down. What exactly should Favre have done?

4th Quarter

14:00 - Miami finishes a boring drive with a boring Figgee. The most entertaining thing about the whole ordeal was me writing "figgie" just now. GB 20 - MIAMI 16.

13:14 - Welcome back Ahman Green! AG goes up the left side for a 70 yard TD. He read the blocks perfectly (and they were executed as such) and then turned on the ol' jets to finish the play. Wow! Please be back! Please let that be the old Ahman. I don't want him to just stop by for one last fling, I want the whole deal. GB 27 - MIAMI 16.

On a side note, I want to see more of that just so I can watch Mike III and Coach Jags do the awkward high five/chest bump thing again. I mean who does those things at the same time? With headsets on? I'd rather see them do the weird dance the two Miami fans were doing earlier. Which, up to this point, had been the nerdiest thing I've seen in weeks.

11:56 - Way too easy TD pass. GB 27 - MIAMI 22.

11:56 - Way too easy 2 point conversion. GB 27 - Miami 24.

11:40 - AG takes the ball on 1st down for 8 yards. Be back! C'mon Ahman.

8:55 - 4th and 1 and the Packers run a reverse to DD for the 1st down. My least favorite Holladay (it used to be Arbor Day, now it's Vonnie) nearly broke up the play in the backfield, but the NSMC just doesn't allow that sort of thing to happen. By the way I crapped my pants on that play.

6:11 - David Martin makes a pretty little catch for a TD, narrowly avoiding an INT by the safety. JC, the man who every year forgot to send out the Erector Set I circled, is not happy with the playcalls and with Favre's passes. I'm okay with it.
GB 34 - MIAMI 24.

2:11 - The reason why Miami has one win? They take a delay of game while lining up a 47 yard Figgie, pushing it back to 52. The Football Gods demand this sort of incompetence must result in a missed figgie. It's a must. Mare dutifully hits the left upright. I am now required to note that the kick would have been good from 47. Ouch.

2:01 - Why is Morency running the ball here? The man fumbles does he not?

:40 - The Miami Lions fail to execute yet again. This one is wrapped up. So what have we learned? Tune in throughout the week for now we must review the game tape. I know that I'm solidly out of the "maybe Saban is as good a coach as Belichek" camp. I got that cleared up, which is nice.

* NSMC = Non Sexual Man Crush

Final Score
Green Bay 34 - Miami 24

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Nevermind The Vikings...Evermore

Okay, I had to get one more jab at the Vikings this week. I know they are flying under the radar lately...not like the Bears who everyone feels is the best thing the NFL has ever seen. Keep it up Bears, and maybe someday you'll grace this website. Let's face it though, old school Packer fans might think The Pack Bear rivalry is where it's at, not true. The Bears have been a non factory for 20 years. 20 years. Even the Redskins have won a Super Bowl since then.

Now it's time for Tim Harris's Mail Sack.

Here's a message from Gator from the great site packersversusvikings.com.

gator said...

On another note--could you mention that it's once again time for the Campbell's Soup 'Click for Cans' promotion--where for the NFL team whose fans provide the most daily visit/clicks the company will donate a large amountof food to the food shelf of the teams choice. (for the Packers-I think it's Paul's pantry)
You can vote once a day--
here's the link... http://www.chunky.com/clickforcansvote.aspx Packers fans have won this handily since it started a few years ago--let's not let this year be an exception...Thanks Gator

Sure thing Gator. Like the man said, go here so we can win this thing. I must admit, I do this every year. What can I say, I like to win.


I just put my vote in, and we are losing to the Bengals! Come on, VOTE!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Nevermind The Vikings

All quiet in the Midwestern front, so I guess I'll pick on the Vikings a little bit.

A couple of years ago I went to a Pack game with Cornell J and M.F. Pack. It was the game where the Pack whiped the Broncos off the face of the earth, and it ws also the game where the Vikings were knocked off the face of the playoffs. I found this great clip on YouTube they relives the play through Tecmo Bowl, complete with pictures from the game! Added bonus; the Viking play by play guy...Paul Allen I think it is, screams "NO, NO, NO!"

Anyways, take a trip down memory land and watch this.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Checking in on an Old Friend

Excerpts from staff reports from the Orlando Sentinel (mostly).

The newest Jaguar, DB Ahmad Carroll, says he's glad that Green Bay is in his past. He signed with the Jags this week after being cut by the Packers.

"I like a bigger city," said Carroll, who's from Atlanta. Jacksonville is significantly larger than the NFL's smallest city, it also lacks charm or personality.

"You know what the tallest building in Green Bay is? The stadium! The football stadium!" Carroll laughed for a few minutes at this amusing revelation and then expounded. "...and the white people, they have, like, a ton of them up there. What's up with that? Ha ha. I don't get it. They're all like white and tall. Well everybody's tall when you're 5 foot nothing like me but you know what I mean..."

A college player at Arkansas, he also missed Southeastern football. Because, y'know, there's nothing quite like watching Florida destroy Georgia School for the Blind 56-0 on a Saturday. "Ah man, college football is the best (level that I could play at competently). I'm just happy to be back in the south where a level playing field can be laughed at like it should be. Plus it sorta mirrors society down here...well, actually that's kinda sad I guess. What was I saying? Go Razorbacks! Whoo!"

"I'm just excited to play for a team that thought Teal was a good idea for a team color. I know they're an expansion team and everything, I mean how could you forget? They put that teal in there so you'd never confuse 'em with the established teams with real colors. That's awesome. Why not go with light blue and tan like the beaches here in Florida? Why do that when Teal's still on the table? I'm excited and fired up to play for a team that ranks second in importance to a freaking college team and has the crappy colors to prove it."

"When I got there, I went out and bought the best TV service I could," he said. "They said it would have all the football games. Well, it did -- all the boring Big Ten games!"

That last one's an actual quote and everything. I didn't even make that one up. I'm not big on college football but I'm fairly certain Penn State, Michigan, Ohio State and Wisconsin fans might have a different opinion of the level of play. I'm guessing Ahmad was a little bitter that he couldn't get into any of those schools.

I mean, knocking a Big 10 school when you went to Arkansas is like knocking Carmen Electra when you're Bea Arthur. I should note that Bea Arthur was not Blanche on the Golden Girls. She was the tall one that looked like your grandfather. Yep, that one. Blanche could give Carmen a run for her money, she was the sexy one after all.

Friday, October 13, 2006

The Bye Week Game

With no real game to comment on, whine about or just hang our heads in shame over we are forced to come up with our own game to pass the time. Unfortunately I don't mean a real game where the C&P staff get together. That would be a logistical nightmare. I mean, I don't even know where Packman lives and I'm fairly confident Chuck Sample would just complain constantly if we didn't let him play QB even though he's got to be 103 by now.

So without that sort of distraction to rely on what can we do? For some inspired poetry you can check out the comments on my wednesday post as Coach Carl put me to shame, to shame sir, with his multi-versed commentary. Well played. You can also check him out at PackersversesVikings.com methinks.

While football related poetry is often a time well spent we do still have a few more hours to kill here. Hmm. Fortunately I'm based in Minnesota and the likelihood that at least one Viking player will do something unseemly during the off week seems like a solid bet. So here's the game - guess which player will commit a crime/sex act in places where such things should not be done/terrible lack of focus/etc in the next few days. We can even offer double bonus points if you can name the act they'll be caught for.

I don't like the idea of rooting for someone to get a DWI or embarrass innocent bystanders very much so let's be clear, I'm not hoping this will happen. I'm just assuming that something WILL happen and it's really just a matter of sorting out what it will be. Hopefully no one gets hurt in the process.

Personally I'm hoping to see Matt Birk get in a fistfight with former RB Robert Smith. These guys don't like each other, I assume because everywhere they've gone in their lives they were known as the "smart" football player, then they were forced to play together and share the title and things got awkward. That's my theory anyway.

C'mon now! It's Harvard versus THE Ohio State university in a match of fisticuffs on the Nicollet mall. Afterwards the crowd shall adjourn to Brit's Pub for some Boddingtons and conversation about Matty B's left hook and, if there's time, a discussion about which pub has the best scotch eggs. Sounds better than bagging up the leaves doesn't it?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Axl Hawk or A.J. Rose

So we have a bye week, which means that we won't fall victim to a loss, so that's great. Let's take a quick look at our division.

The Bears are 5-0, but by the looks of the Bear fans they might as well be 5,000-0. Not only do they think the Bears will not lose a game, but they also think that Rex Grossman is the next Tommy Krammer. The bad news for the rest of us is that they have a cake schedule, and by the time they get to the playoffs they could start to believe their own hype. I have no love for Lovie.

The Vikings are typical Vikings. Win some, lose some. But come any big game they'll choke. They think they still have a shot at the Bears this season. Wake up, you have Brad Johnson at quarterback. That'll get you no where.

The Lions...who cares. They are a never factor. And the Tigers will fall apart soon, but that's a different sport.

And that leaves us to The Pack. Let's just say, we have a lot of room for improvement. Here are my 5 keys to turning this season around:

1. Get the running game going. Don't ask me how, that's not my job. I'll figure out the problems, they should figure out the rest.
2. Find our defense. Really, where did they all go?
3. Motivate the players. I don't care if the season is lost, earn your paycheck.
4. Take pictures of A.J. Hawk with his shirt off.
5. Win one game at home.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Scott Wells - Starting Center, Gifted Poet

With the bye week here we at C&P.com thought it best to try to get to know the boys on our favorite team a little better. Today we begin with a small sample of poetry from Scott Wells. Because really, would you rather spend two weeks thinking about the fumble to end the Rams game? If nothing else you can slam Scott's obvious inability to adequately use iambic pentameter.

A Sampling of Haiku

I must know my zone,
that is not my zone Colledge,
you should have blocked him.

Frank Winters I'm not,
Noah Herron a hundred
in one game? I rock.

And now a work in progress. Watch the art happen people! It's happening right now!

The Legend Behind Me

I crouch and I gaze
like a gazelle protecting it's young.
My life's meaning sits motionless below me.
The lions stare intently at the easy prey.

I am not enough.
It hurts to admit it but it's true.
I have others to help me, but still we need more.
We need a legend. A legend behind me.

His hands are rough yet subtle.
His demeanor easy yet strong.
His voice alone terrifies the harriers
Blocking our road.

I must protect this legend.
He will do the rest.
And if I am lucky
and proud of heart
and stout of purpose
and reasonably talented
I shall someday be able to take a look myself
at this legend, this legend behind me.

Sometimes the legend complains
about the view.
It is all I have to offer.
I am not Halle Berry.

I am not Halle Berry.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Lamest Show on Turf

For today, we got the Golden Mullet Awards for the Rams game, and a new 15 minute photoshop job on Fergie.

Well the Rams came to town and walked away with an easy win. Sure, we made them work for it, but were we ever really in it. Yes, we were, that's why it's so damn annoying. Those are the games we have to win. If we can smell it with two minutes left, we need to grab those games. Cause when we play against a real team and get blown away, those loses should count twice against us.

So I predicted that the Pack would be 12-4 this year, and I'm still standing behind it. I have at least two weeks until I can be proven wrong.

Let's take a look at this weeks Golden Mullet Awards. One bad, four good.


Favre dropped the ball. At least he didn't throw it away.


Jennings did good. Everyone else....bad.

Running Back:

Stick a fork in Ahman, he's done. Herron broke a hundred, so he gets two mullets.


Not bad, but not good enough.


Turn this thing around buddy, you're on the clock.

Special Teams

Missed field goal, lame punts. Not cool.


Who really cares about the Rams....ever?

Them are the awards for this week. Let's hope you enjoyed them. Next week we'll hand our awards to the Bears and the Vikings. The Lions don't count, they never do.