Friday, September 22, 2006

NFC North Infighting

It's nothing but head to head action this weekend in the NFC North. The Packers and Millen's Misfits square off while to the west the Vikings in the Humpty Dump try to fend off their inevitable decline against the Chicago Bears.

The Vikings, it should be noted, continue to make all the wrong kinds of news. At this point it's almost too easy to rip them but then, this is an organization doing it's damnedest to bring back cheesy mustaches and they must be stopped. Since we have little power we are forced to mocking their decisions on a website. The latest snafu, of course, is their impossibly ridiculous new theme song "Bring in the Horns".

The new song is a rap, which is sorta fantastic in it's own way, and it's pretty terrible. I don't hate rap by any means but the medium is best employed when trying to A) Get the ladies dancing or B) tell tales of the mean streets of well, wherever, with an air of authenticity. It is by it's very nature anti-establishment. You can make the same argument for rock but here's the thing. "Welcome to the Jungle" is authentic AND it rocks. You don't hear them playing soft rock like John Mayer in there. Any rap that isn't borne of the streets is inherently equivalent to soft rock and therefore is terrible. It's pretty easy once you do the math.

Anyway, this is a long way of getting to the point of the story. The song is terrible because it's soft rap. Rap made for 12 year olds. And it has a reference to Brad Childress in it. Which automatically puts a shelf life on it of, oh, about two years until they have to dub in "Kirk Ferentz". But really that's not the main issue. The absolute best part of "Bring in the Horns?" Poor enunciation. So a team that is best known for illicit sex boat parties now has a song that implores fans to "Bring in the Whores." I'm serious. I implore you, give it a listen.

Due to the absolute crap decision making going on in the Twin Cities right now I have to assume that the Bears win this game and win it big. Not quite 26 to Nuttin but more than a touchdown.

Meanwhile in Detroit we'll finally get to see what happens when one team sucks and the other blows on Sunday. I actually feel good about a Packers win here. This is mostly due to the fact that Matt Millen somehow, incredibly, draws a paycheck. And as an aside, does anyone driving a Ford automobile get worried now that he's still in the fold? I mean, William Clay Ford appointed him and has kept him around for years longer than he's deserved. What other terrible decisions are going on in the Motor City? Also, take some comfort in knowing that there is no way Ted Thompson would still be around if he flails about like this for a few more years. There are many benefits to being a Packer fan nowadays (particularly so if your other option is the Lions), but this one is at the top of the list.

It would be easy to bash the new regime with this 0-2 record. We could get disillusioned and start thinking that Favre trade talk is more than just idle blather by hacks in the media, yes I'm looking at you Michael Silver, but we won't. I'm officially checking him off the list of worthwhile writers. This is the sort of random speculation that fills column inches and tiny minds but does nothing to actually advance the conversation. And frankly, if writers in the traditional print media weren't so terrible at their jobs there wouldn't be a need for websites like this one. Or any of the great Packer sites in our links column.

Why am I not giving up? Let's face it, no matter what you think of Mike II the coach, Mike II the GM left a bunch of junk behind that had to be purged. So for the moment I'm holding out hope that this losing was inevitable. I do know that the salary cap is now under control after years of abuse. I do know that the team has a lot of young speed. And I also know that the QB may not be around to see them become big time players but he's under no obligation to finish out his career the way you or I see fit. It's up to him and the coaching staff. So I'm going to enjoy it. I'm hoping for a win but I'll take improvement.

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