Friday, August 25, 2006

The Weekly Roundtable

This week we got a chance to sit down with the lords of Sports Illustrated. And by "got a chance to sit down with the lords of ..." I mean we "smuggled an audio recording device into an undisclosed location". What we found was a bizarrely heartwarming, completely revealing conversation between Peter King and Dr. Z from SI.

Peter King: Boy you sure got them all riled up with your Favre hall of fame comments. What were you thinking?

Dr. Z: Who are you? Why are you in my house?

PK: It's me, Peter. You probably don't recognize me since I lost all the weight right. Z?

Dr. Z: Peter? Where's Paul and Mary? I'm Paul you say? What? Sure I'll have a syrah, but only if it's Chilean.

PK: Uh, Z? Are you feeling all right? I mean, this is a Cracker Barrel, I don't think they serve wine here. You know, the downright hokey decor of this place reminds me of the beautiful college campuses I visited with Mary Beth a while back. So gorgeous.

Dr. Z: Campuses? Campi? What's the plural there. Ask Linda is what I say. She'll set you straight. Boogity. Why are you in my house?

PK: Z. We're in a Cracker Barrel restaurant in Montclair. You don't live here. And did you just say "boogity"?

Dr. Z: Favre is a fraud. Doesn't care about his team. He's no Johnny U that's for sure.

PK: You don't really believe that do you? I thought you were just trying to get a rise out of people with that nonsense. Favre is the greatest human being on the face of the earth. He's like the Pope. Very Pope-like. I wish to rub his feet and maybe do a spa day with him.

Dr. Z: Do you love the man or something? We didn't put up with that kind of stuff back in my day. Bah!

PK: Yes. Yes I do love him. I'm a happily married man but there are times...I just...no, I've said too much.

Dr. Z: Boogity.

PK: See there you did it again. Have you been in for any tests recently?

Dr. Z: Gah! Boogity.

PK: You should try drinking Starbucks coffee. It's done wonders for me. I'm alert and everything. You know John Madden and I were talking about Favre the other day and we both agreed that, if stranded on a desert island we would both rather have Favre there then our wives. He's dreamy.

Dr. Z: Announcers don't spot the ball exactly as they should. They should all be dragged out into the streets and shot. Or maybe strung up on the 50 yard line at halftime. Ha. Ha. I'd do it myself. Back in my Columbia days we just called it hazing.

PK: Wow this food is excellent. Scrambled eggs, hash browns, eggs benedict. B+


Clearly the boys were as level-headed and brainy as ever. Why a major publication employs two gentlemen as senior writers when they can't be bothered to supply any kind of analysis remains a mystery to us, the common folk, but at least we can be entertained by their lack of preparation and insight.



Dr. Z: Boogity Boogity.

1 comment:

BratsNBeerGuy said...

That's pretty goddamn hilarious. Nice work.