Wednesday, August 30, 2006


There are many valid reasons why people should avoid preseason games at all costs. The players who know they've made the team only play for a short time and are mostly just trying to avoid injury. The coaches have watered down the playbook in an effort not to reveal any of their tricks before the regular season.

Really the only interesting story worth following is the 6th round draft pick who is trying to make it on special teams. And you know what? I'm okay not knowing about that last part. I don't care. I wish I did but I can only muster up the interest to care about 27 guys on the roster. That's it. I did the math and everything. You think I'm lying? Okay, here they are.

Brett Favre
Aaron Rodgers (was that a molester 'stache I saw on Monday Night?)
Ingle Martin (I'm on board with anyone named Ingle, it's sort of a house rule)
Ahman Green
Mr. Pooper Davenport
William Henderson
Samkon Gado (The Nigerian Dream? Not quite as scary as Okoye used to be)
Mark Tauscher
Chad Clifton
Aaron Kampman
Ryan Pickett
The Hawk
He-Man Barnett (More for his obsession with the sword thing then his love of fur speedos)
Charles Woodson
Al Harris (I would pay to see him fistfight Terence Trent D'arby. Actually I'd pay to see anyone fistfight that Wishing Well dork. I still hate that song)
Ahmad Carroll (Much like Ricky Bobby he still doesn't know what to do with his hands)
Nick Collins (I like him a lot but why'd he have to take Leroy's number so quick?)
Marviel Underwood (I kinda wish my parents had the forethought to name me "Marviel")
Marquand Manuel (He's gotta be better than Roman - that's all I ask for)
Brady Poppinga
Johnny Jolly (I know nothing about him but he makes the name hall of fame)
Fergie (Because I have to hate someone on the team)

That's it though. I don't care about the kicker or punter or backups or middle lineman. I just don't. Maybe if those players were better (or worse) I might get fired up. But if you told me they cut Rayner and replaced him with one of those novelty bird toys that bobs it's head up and down repeatedly I'd probably make note of it and then go make a nice turkey samich.

So...this is really just a long preamble into what I was originally going to talk about. I made the mistake of watching a few minutes of the MNF tilt with the Bengals. And all I can say is that I sure picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. Good Lord n' Butter! After watching that you can see why a fella'd want to reassure himself that preseason doesn't matter, right?

In the coming days there will be more cuts and maybe some roster pickups and I may have to update my list. Time will tell. Time always tells. Time is very much like a girl in the 7th grade, it's just a matter of seconds before you hear all the latest gossip.

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